Sorry.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to do this and I apologize if it's not. It's just that it took me a few days to talk myself into writing this and I want to seize the moment before I decide not to. Please bear with me.

This is the only place I have left to turn and I can't figure out a solution on my own. You guys seem nice enough and I hope I'm not doing this wrong. If so, I'm so sorry.

I've been alone for years. I'm not sure if I can change that now. I'm so lonely but I can't bring myself to talk to anyone any more than absolutely necessary. I can go to work and I go out in public and I can communicate with people well enough to accomplish what's expected of me but that's it. I say "thank you" to the cashier at the store. I answer the questions people ask me. But I don't make friends anymore. I don't connect. I just can't. When my co-workers ask what I did over the weekend I tell the truth and say that I did nothing. When someone asks how I'm doing I lie and say I'm perfectly fine. I try going to social places but I end up standing by myself in a crowded bar or quietly reading on my phone in the park.

I took a free consultation with a therapist just to see what they said. The time ran out before we got to discuss much but I was told to try talking to people more. But that's the problem; who would I talk to? Just anyone? About what? The looming realization that I'm a thirty year old man who isn't interesting enough to start a conversation?