LeotheUnicorn Member Profile

...See more Okay, this has some TW and is slightly sexually explicit, so please tread carefully. Recently, I’ve come to think my mom is manipulating me. My entire teenage life and maybe before it. Ever since I was 11, I’ve been told that I don’t need friends because they will just cause problems, I would have a hard time finding real friends, they take time, etc. Around 12 I found my first actual friend. My mama was fine with it. Me and my friend had a falling out about 2 years later and I was so hurt. Mama told me that the reason she saw it coming and the reason she didn’t tell me to end the friendship was because it would have made me cling to the friendship harder. That was my last friend and it’s been over 3 years since. I am not able to go anywhere other than the grocery store and one other place every 6 or so months ( I ‘i'll explain more later, but I’m homeschooled, so public school isn’t an option) I feel like my mama is manipulating me because of the next few events. Every once in a blue moon, I go over to this family’s house that has a bunch of kids my age. I wish I could go more often because other than going to the grocery store, it’s literally the only time I get to spend around people. After I spend a few hours there, by the time I’m told to go get in the car, I’ve just had what I could describe as the best time of my life, I sob the whole way home. I get SO overstimulated and overwhelmed, even if I had a lot of fun. It’s a horrible cycle because when this happens, my mama tells me she had no idea that she deprived me of something I needed; Normal human contact. She’ll say she feels so bad but I’ve told her I would love to be in groups with other kids my age because I think it’s super important. Yes, there is social media, but it is not the same. Like, at all. Anyways, it feels like she doesn’t actually want me to have friends when she keeps going back and forth between, ‘ oh I feel so bad,’ to ‘ You’d be better off waiting until you’re a adult.’ I recently started coming out as bisexual to my family ( only my parents and brother rn) and she does the exact same behavior. I’ll cautiously start the conversation that I like girls too, not just boys, and she’ll say really sexually explicit things about what goes on inside a GLG relationship ( girl loves girl). She’ll say stuff like,’ are you sure you’re going to want to go down on a girl,’ Or, ' you’d have no choice if you didn’t want to,’ and it makes me not only uncomfortable, but like I can’t actually talk to her about it. She’ll say stuff like this, then say she doesn’t care if I’m not straight. Like ???? You’re going to tell me you understand and don’t mind about a certain situation, when then point out how stuff like this? Both situations are similar in that aspect and both hurt because not only am I now questioning my sexuality, I can’t really be sure because I don’t ever get to be around people my age. Both are kinda tied and I don’t know what to do. Sure there’s social media, but that seems to be the only response along with she’s just protecting you. 1. Social media isn’t the same as irl relationships ( not to offend anyone, it just doesn’t feel the same to me) and 2. Just because she’s ‘ protecting’ me doesn’t mean she is helping if that makes sense. I’ve brought up how distressing it is not being able to be around other teens and she either laughs and jokes about it or says something dismissive. I feel bad about feeling this way because she works a lot. She works so hard everyday and I even go to work with her, but I feel so compressed that I think it’s why I’ve been having random crying panic attack like freak outs, but usually when I’m alone. I’ll be going to college soon and my parents are helping me some through it, but they want me to do most of it at home ( pretty much my mom’s decision, not my dads), so the whole social aspect is still very limited, even if not as much. I can’t drive by myself yet so going places for me specifically is lowered. And when it is for me ( going to a horse barn every so often) I feel awful because she points out how she is taking one of the few days she has off and spending it all on me, so I feel terrible and don’t even want to ask. Anyways, there is so much more but I’m really tired. Thank you if you read all the way through, it means to me. :)

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