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LezonorG
9,549 M Pacing Forward 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts234 Forum posts16 Forum upvotes37 Current upvotes37 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 25, 2023
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An Italian guy trying to find some online friends
Around the World / by LezonorG
Last post
 January 2nd, 2024
...See more Hi everyone, I would like to share some thoughts with you. I'm writing this tread for a specific reason: I have no one to talk to about my writings. I'm doing some works with poems in Italian, and no one I know has something to criticise or share. If there's anyone that can read italian and is interested in poetry, I would like to know! Thanks, Lez.
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I'm losing it
General Support / by LezonorG
Last post
 April 17th, 2023
...See more Hello everyone, maybe it's a bit too much talking about my problems and mental health issues here, but if this post breaks some kind of guideline the mods will take it down, and I won't cry about it. [Tw: self harm, suicide, schizophrenia (I guess, I don't know), relationships issues, bipolarism (again, I don't really know)] Let's face it, I should be an happy man. I have a lovely girlfriend, school is more interesting, music is good and reading has never been more enlightening. I have a wonderful family, and the stuff I dealt with in the past is mostly gone. But damn, what is happening with me? In the past there was a girl who abused me, she kicked me in front of my friends so I couldn't react, not like I would have, I was a chill guy. She humiliated me, told me to suicide, but for all that is over our comprehension I still loved her. I think I have some kind of trauma, because I shouldn't have seen her when she wasn't there. I shouldn't have talked to her when my room was empty. But she was there, except she wasn't. At some point another non-existing man came up, and he was bitter like a raw lemon. For years I talked to these people, and they convinced me of what they wanted, they did what they wanted me to do. Self-harming, writing bad stuff, to the point that I attempted "the bad ending". But at some point she disappeared completely. And I had a strong visualisation of this guy burning alive in front of me last month. He's gone since. But the allucination keep coming. I was at the city and at some point I saw a greek statue talking to me, saying "Who are you, and what are you doing here?". It never happened before, and it was literally three days ago. That same day I saw the walls of the houses become human skin and I was walking on blood. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm afraid of discovering it. I'm a monster, a loser, I don't know nothing. I am capable of nothing. Why there has got to be this clock in my head telling me that death is near? Do I deserve it? What did I do wrong to deserve this? I can't, I can't, I can't do this anymore. There is no one responding to my messages, so sorry about this long tread. And sorry about my face.
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