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Luculele
20,816 M Progress Road 10
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts166 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceMarch 29, 2017
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Sick of being undecided
Relationship Stress / by Luculele
Last post
 September 6th, 2022
...See more Hallo. I come to 7cups each time to talk to listeners about my issue but this time I will write my problem here (for the first time) and I hope I can get some clarity of what is actually the best for me… So (long sigh) I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now and it has been a wonderful journey until the beginning of this year when he basically closed all the options for us to grow as a couple. He basically announced that if I would ever become pregnant with his baby he would want me to go on abortion. It was a big hit, not because he doesn’t want a baby with me. That was clear since the beginning (we both have two already from previous relationships). What hurt was the extend he would be willing to go to in order to not to have that baby. But you know what? I was able to absorb this, I explain to him that he should NEVER decide for a woman whether to keep or not a conceived baby, that it’s her body. Ok and now to the major issue of the moment: In January this year I asked him if he would be willing to live together. I found this as a great step forward. He has a big house and he is renting two studios on the top floor to the students. I know he likes his space, I would never ask him to move in together if I was not ready to keep his personal space available for him as much as possible. His resolutive answer was no, that he could not live with his partner under the same roof anymore (hi did so already 4 times and it never ended well). I did not get a satisfying answer why it is so, his exact words are - I need my bubble and I don’t feel well when it is crossed). I must also tell that except this hurdle our relationship was always nice, we communicate quite well and have many common points. In my 39 years of life I have never had a relationship like this, loving and enjoying every moment together to the fullest. We meet almost every day and spend 1-2 nights a week together at his house a week. Its been 8 months since he told me that he does not intend to live with his partner and even if I am trying so hard to accept this, I feel like my mental state goes downhill. I feel like my dreams have been shuttered. I feel like all the other people who lived or live under the same roof with him are more important than me including his past girlfriends, his children and the students renting his space on the top floor. I am constantly in my thoughts going in circles. Starting with : ok it’s time for some boundaries, just tel him you cannot accept it and break up with him, you are still young full of energy, you can still find someone with similar relationship goals. Moreover this relationship is slowly making you sick (really I feel like I am losing energy hovering around this and I even got much more grey hairs now). So but after I am mentally broken up with him I come back to persuading myself to at it’s not that bad, we love each other so much and perhaps it is because we do not live together and every moment spent together is just so much more precious.. So I come back to the state where I am happy for a while until we go on vacation where I get to taste again the common full moments together for a week and then it’s hard for me to accept that this will never happen to the fullest.. The relationship game is a tough game for me. I need advice on how to handle this. Yes he may never change but I am still hoping that with some patience, positive attitude and couples therapy we could both be happy. I need to have a space in relationship where we work on a common goal (a happy home in this case) and I also need to do things for my closest loved ones (it’s easier for me than doing things for me). Thank you for reading until here, any opinion and advice is welcome. Luculele
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How to find out if he's not in love or if he just behaves like that after some time of dating?
Relationship Stress / by Luculele
Last post
 July 9th, 2017
...See more I am sure it has happened to many people already. You start dating a guy. Infact he is the one who shows interes first, is making effort to make you his and you start dating, but than after few months you realize he doesn't text you as much as before. You two dont see each other as often either and when you meet it's mostly about sex. When you ask him if he loves you, he sais yes and when you mention break-up, he is against it. But the ignorance continues, you are not even trying to send him a message anymore, because you feel like you're bothering him. When you claim that you should have at least one date per week he agrees, but only because you said so. Again, he sais he wants to see you, but it just doesnt feel right. The only thing that feels right is his touch. And that's the most confusing thing here. How could the guy love you so much with his touch and ignore everything else that you are. Is it maybe just because he is so introverted, that all his relationships are mainly physical? Or is it really because he just lost interest in you as person but cant detach from you physically? Could someone please explain it to me?
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