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Lufyyy
2,482 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts53 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceMarch 7, 2020
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LOST, maybe
Anxiety Support / by Lufyyy
Last post
 December 17th, 2020
...See more I'm lost, maybe. Anxiousness, betrayal, lies... These thoughts are hunting my mind, they are daggering me, just as people to whom I could've offered my life did. I would've given them my heart if they needed it. My whole damn life, if they wanted it. But what did I get in return? Betrayal. It hurts. Though I'm trying to be as strong as I can, but it really hurts. It hurts me to see that people whom I thought were my best friends, gave up on me. It hurts me to realize, that I have no shoulders to cry one. It hurts me to see him, the only one I had real feelings for, go away. It hurts me to see, that I'm the only one on the battlefield, trying to please everyone but myself, trying to smile when all I want to do is to hide and run, holding secrets for those who are throwing dirt on my name, living when I all have left is nothing, but darkness. Loneliness. It hurts me to know, that I'm sick. I'm ill. That illness may kill me. That disease may end my life, but I got used to it. It is betrayal, it is the loneliness that's killing me, tearing me up. They said "You're not good enough" He said "She looks pretty, though I care about you, but sorry, she's just more attractive" The doctor said "You should take care of yourself, you may not have enough time to discover the world" And I say... I'm tired. Exhausted. Sick of being used as a rag, thrown at the end. Sick of betrayal. You know... Maybe I was just too dumb to see that these people were toxic to me. Maybe I was too kind. Maybe I should've said NO without the fear of ending up alone. But here I am today, Alone. And him, who I loved. Him, who I thought would not hurt me. Him, who I thought shared my feelings. I don't believe in love, but he did make me believe in it. I gave him my heart, but nothing but fragments remain. I'm sick. Sick of me.
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A STUDENT LIFE
Anxiety Support / by Lufyyy
Last post
 December 19th, 2025
...See more Hey you; whoever is reading this. I didn't want to be here tonight, sitting in front of this screen typing words I -myself- am not even sure they do make sense together. I'm a 17 years old student, whose purpose is to study as hard as I can to make my parents proud. I'm a 17 years old student, who chose to study late at night when my friends are out partying. I'm that 17 years old student being treated like a rag by her so-called best friends. Those humans who once, made you laugh, but then made you realize that you were the -object- they laughed about. I'm that 17 years old student, half-dead, and whatever remains act alive. I told myself: maybe studying would get you out of that darkness, out of that tunnel. Maybe people would start appreciating you because of how outstanding your work is, because of how passionate you are about that work that others may see as uninteresting. Maybe your parents would be proud of you, the girl who brought to that harsh world and still, tries to make her own way to happiness. I said maybe, just maybe, studying would help me forget about the world's roughness: Maybe I'd forget about that girl who laughed at me once because I'm less pretty than she is. About that boy who insulted me, because I'm not pretty enough to be respected (Yes such people do really exist) About that group of friends who injured me, because I wasn't like them About those nights I fell asleep, holding my pillow tight, wishing tomorrow wouldn't come That my sorrows would end That my pain would be seized That happiness would find me. I've been looking for it for years, and I'm tired to do so. I'm a 17 years old student. Whose unique purpose is to make her parents proud. I lost my confidence. I lost faith in the world. I do believe that I'm useless. I do believe in those words I was told: You're nothing but a rag. I'm exhausted. I'm tired. But I want to keep fighting. I want to get that 4.0 GPA so that I can look at the mirror, after days of burning the midnight oil, weeks of intense studies; months of hard work, and years of sacrifices. I want to look at the mirror and proudly say to myself: I did it. Besides all the setbacks, I did it. This is what I would like YOU to believe in. Life is full of ups and downs. You shall go through them with your head up high. Yes, you would suffer, Yes it would feel as if you're the only one doing this. Yes, you may fail once, maybe twice, or more. Maybe you would make mistakes, but the biggest mistake is not to make any. No matter what it is that's holding your head up, helping you go through your downs, making your life meaningful: Do not lose it. It's not about motivation. It's about discipline. Just keep fighting. Screw what others think about you. As long as YOU have the will to live...You can turn hell to heaven. A.M.
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