Luna12345678910 Member Profile

...See more 5 years ago I moved to the city for my career. I' am an outgoing sociable person with a drive. 3 years into my stay I experienced a life-changing moment. I was sat at home, watching TV when a sudden sense of overwhelming 'craziness' came over me. My brain went racing as it felt like it was in shock mode. I experienced this random, overwhelming sense of dread, despair, and madness. I immediately burst into tears. I then went to bed to be unconscious as I couldn't bare it. I woke up the day after feeling the most tired I've ever felt in my 27 years of being alive! Since then strange things happened. I would drive to work and all of a sudden I would burst into tears. At the end of my working day, I would experience very strong feelings of despair, sadness, and misery. I saw the doctor but was told it wasn't depression as it came in 'moments' and wasn't consistent enough. For the first 6 months, this would happen every other day, if not every other week. It became so bad, that I was questioning my existence, so I had to leave my relationship and career behind and move back home with my parents. I have improved somewhat since, mainly due to the fact that I' am under no pressure, I work very small hours, pay no bills, rarely cook etc. I want to move back to the city for my career, I want to have that bravery and nonchalant attitude to life I had before. However, this overpowering and overwhelming feeling keeps me trapped at home. I fear that feeling because it is that strong. By far the strongest and saddest feeling I have ever experienced. It can happen randomly, sometimes a thought leads to it, sometimes I feel it then my thoughts become entrenched in it. I can go through weeks without feeling any problems even if I try and bring it on, and during those times, I'm happy and normal. It also tends to happen at the end of the day after a long day. I' am worried I won't be able to cope. If I move out, how will I manage a job, a mortgage, wife, kids, cooking every day after work etc? All of these things worry me that they will become 'too much'. All of the things every person goes through in their day to day know is a struggle for me as I cannot face that feeling. I have seen a doctor, who said they think its panic disorder and not depression. I have done CBT and it has helped a lot, but this feeling still exists and narrows my life. The doctor said depression is usually more consistent, and I' am not bipolar as I'm not showing those symptoms. I have had no diagnosis at all apart from being anxious. It's so against my character to feel this way, however it's demoralizing, as when I feel normal I feel like my life is back and I go to apply for jobs, and then all of a sudden it comes back and I'm very debilitated. As I said, my life is good, I have good family and friends, a good job and nothing to be sad about. What do I do? Thankyou

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