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MadiV
132 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 13, 2017
Recent forum posts
I want to get something of my chest.
Relationship Stress / by MadiV
Last post
 September 23rd, 2022
...See more Just want to hear some opinions and also vent. I've never talked about this to anyone. I basically cheated on my boyfriend many, many years ago and have kept it a secret. I still feel very guilty, and I am still currently with the guy. In the past, he used to always talk about breaking up when he was mad about something in his life, or we got into a fight. It would always result in him saying this. He used to be very controlling as well. I made the mistake of venting to a friend that had a crush on me about this instead of trying to communicate better to my boyfriend or just breaking it off. I never wanted to break up with him even going through that pain, I was scared that bringing it up would result in us breaking up. I love my boyfriend dearly, but it used to be very toxic. For both me and him. I've always been horrible with communication as well, and try to avoid as much conflict in my life as much as I possibly can. I get really bad anxiety sometimes. Anyways, I ended up venting to this friend a lot. He cared about me very much and did his best to help me break up. But I never wanted to break up. But at the same time, I felt I should move on, so I gave my friend the impression that I would get together with him if I broke up. I think I was trying to trick myself into loving someone else to get over my boyfriend. But I never loved my friend. This friend also started getting obsessed with me, pretty much on a stalker level. Also started getting very controlling, because he didn't want me to get hurt. I felt like I also owed him something for trying to help me. I never slept with him, but I let him kiss and touch me. Which I deeply regret. It ended up just hurting me and him very much. I hate that I let that happen, and I hate that I let my boyfriend treat me the way he used to. I ended up cutting the friend off completely. It was hard, I hate to lose anyone in my life, I feel like I do my best to cling onto anyone. I hate feeling lonely. I'm a very shy person and haven't been able to make many friends since I moved to a new state in high school. I know that's another reason I clung to my boyfriend, even when he treated me bad. I worry a lot about him as well because he struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. Even to this day. My boyfriend treats me much better now, and we live together with his family. We're going on almost 9 years together. But I still feel guilt from this. I think if I told my boyfriend this though, he would not be understanding. He hates cheating, and I think this would probably break us up. I know it's my fault, I let it happen. I just want to let it out to someone. Also, I've considered going to therapy for a while, not just because of this though. I never feel brave enough/think I can just get through it/don't want to spend the money. My life is going well currently, but ended up thinking on this and just want to talk to someone.
My boyfriend ran away from home
Relationship Stress / by MadiV
Last post
 April 25th, 2020
...See more So this past week my boyfriend ran away from home. His mom has been asking for money from him for a while now and using his credit cards. She gets mad at him if he doesn't and tells him he doesn't care basically. His family is in a lot of debt at the moment and corona isn't helping. She's pretty much relying on him to get a good job and help pay, but he dropped out of college a few years ago. If she knew this she would probably literally kill him. He has been working at their nail salon and learning programming on his own. Since she thinks he'a still in college she's asking for his college info to get a $1000 from his tax refund but he can't. She was trying to bang down his door trying to get the information and he ran out his window. He's was telling me he wanted to kill himself... but I was able to calm him down and he's been with his friend's family. Currently he has no money or job and left everything at his house. Its been a week and hes been working on finding a job. Im helping pay and am thankful I have a bit saved up. I'll be paying for his rent and other things for the moment. I don't know if he'll be able to get a job soon either. We're both in our early 20s. I have no idea what to do. I haven't said anything to my parents yet. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't think they would let him stay here either. But I can't let him go back to his toxic family. He thinks he should now because he doesn't want to be a burden on me. And his mom has called/texted constantly
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