Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Malteffs
1 198 M Embraced 1
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2025 Member sinceApril 21, 2025
Bio

Where to start? I’m 18, struggle with autism, depression, eating disorders and C-PTSD (which I am in treatment for currently (EMDR). I have two in-person psychologists already, but can struggle with arriving on time and opening up about what really bothers me the most. I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t care much about who the listener is, as long as they are somewhat compassionate and understanding. Direct or gentle. I just know I need to get a lot off my chest and hopefully this app can help.

A list of stuff that makes everyday living the hardest for me and that I need to talk about: hypersexuality, unstable and short relationships/friendships, drug abuse, catatonia, panic attacks, a trauma I have a really hard time opening up about, excessive fatigue and oversleeping, fear of adults, absence from school, executive dysfunction related to PDA, extreme feelings of shame, dread, depression, stress and anxiety everyday that makes my head physically hurt and my heart wrench. I can feel it in my heart and head when I’m upset for some reason, similar to being really out of breath or an intense headache.

There’s loads more but I felt this was the most important information. I am not a native English speaker so I do apologize if I make any spelling errors or can’t understand certain words.

Recent forum posts
Malteffs profile picture
Should i break up? (tmi, nsfw)
Relationship Stress / by Malteffs
Last post
April 22nd, 2025
...See more I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months and though he is flawed, i will say he is a great person. He can be very sweet and empathetic towards me but he has begun treating me worse over time. I understand that the first three months are always special but something i can’t get over, is how he’s changed in the bedroom. I suspect he has a porn addiction. For context I am a trans man (born female, lives as a male) and he is cisgender (born male, lives as a male). He has been neglecting my needs in the bedroom and withdrawing sexually for the last 6 months. Every time I try to bring it up, it turns into something big and he gets super upset and has a million excuses as to why he doesn’t want me to ***/experience pleasure. I’m not sure if this is some anti-feminist rhetoric he’s been exposed to, or if he is just very insecure about his performance. When we do have sex where both parties *** and give aftercare, it’s so amazing. I genuinely have no clue why he just refuses intimacy with me, or specifically, intimacy that is also involving me and my pleasure. I get that it’s nerve wracking, but c’mon, he does have a little experience, I do not criticize anything he does in bed (because there is nothing to criticize) and he gets so much reassurance. I feel like he might just find me unattractive or not value my sexual needs that much. But i don’t know! I have no idea what goes on in his head! We have great sex for all I know, I’ve been told that I am pretty so many times (and think so myself). His excuses so far have been something he was able to get over when we first started dating, I mean, we had sex everywhere, we tried everything, and now? almost nothing. This honestly takes a huge toll on my mental health and self esteem, and I feel that the true reason he refuses sex is because he is porn addicted. I can never look through his phone, especially twitter, camera roll, ***, reddit, ***, and he has begun acting violently in bed whenever we do have intimacy. He is super fixated on superficial stuff like genital size, how much I sound like I’m in pain, hates when I’m on my period/sight of menstrual blood, wants me to be completely shaven, wants me to dress up “e-girl/goth-like” and expects *** even after eating greasy food, expects me to be able to squirt and *** from penetration alone. I don’t know what to think. Our sex is completely centered around him feeling pleasure and overpowering me and me being pretty and being in pain. I’ve dated porn addicts before so I know the signs. I just hate that he won’t even admit it. I want to help him, truly. because outside of our sex life, we are doing pretty good. I just feel so much resentment for the sexual frustration and blue balls if you know what I mean. Has anyone ever dated someone like this who changed? And how did you guys do it?
Malteffs profile picture
Downers
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by Malteffs
Last post
April 21st, 2025
...See more Constant anxiety is so hard to live with. I feel like I need to medicate to get through living. I can’t hardly do anything without something dampening my senses and anxiety. Which also makes me not know how to deal with things naturally. It prohibits me from actually learning how to overcome social anxiety, how to manage triggers, how to deal with excessive input, god, even just being in bed right now is not great. It takes a lot of self control for me to not just go down to the store and buy a couple beers right now. Sometimes I feel that sobriety is not meant for me. Not with my mental health struggles. I know that’s not completely true. Some people need medication to get through hard periods or disabilities. But I also know my downers aren’t prescription and I honestly don’t know why I refuse to request actually regulated/clean anxiety medication. I guess it’s the shame? It’s so embarrassing to need medication
Talk to an expert therapist
Firstly congratulate yourself on reaching out for support! This is such an...
Talk to Kajsa Now