MilaBee Member Profile

...See more So I ended up discovering I have adhd, most likely comorbid with ASD by myself. 6 years ago I learned Adhd wasn't how I thought it was and I started searching more about it and noticed how I fit the criteria way too much. So I asked my mother and she told me a therapist (that was helping me with a dyslalia when I was a child) told her she should check that with a specialist but she ignored them cause I was perfectly "normal", I told her I actually fit the criteria and she got mad and told me to stop saying stuff like that for attention, that I was too smart to have any "brain problem". Now I can't get a diagnosis, neither medication. I just know I have difficulties and no one believes me because I can't paid for someone with a title to say everything I've been saying and because nobody knows anything about adhd other than a child running around too much. That aside something that's been bothering me a lot is how unfair my childhood seems now. I used to think I was a bad child, that something was wrong with me, that everyone hated me, that adults hated me, but now I understand everything, I was different, I needed help, but I didn't get any. Instead I just got punished and yelled at for being too disrespectful, too distracted and not paying attention to people talking to me. I was so convinced I was a selfish brat that made my parents life difficult and troublesome because everyone said stuff like that when I was younger, some still see me that way to this day. I've been villainized for just being myself since I learned to talk, and it always felt unfair to me, even as a child, but now knowing I am undiagnosed, it seems even more unfair somehow, because I really couldn't help not paying attention when people talked to me, I couldn't help being a picky eater, I couldn't help not knowing my turn to speak, or not knowing what to say. And now it doesn't matter, I'm a grown up, nobody cares how unfair they were, they all think I deserved it, and no one believes I needed or need help, in their eyes I was a difficult and useless bratty child that grew up to be some lazy and childish person that wants attention or is following some *** trend, and I'm so tired of it. I'm sick of feeling misunderstood, I'm sick of not being believed, I'm sick of being judge and I'm sick of not being able to 'function' or act like a 'normal' person so they can all just shut up about me.

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