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Nikkijaay
239 M Embraced 2
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2019 Member sinceJanuary 30, 2017
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Bpd is ruining my relationship
Personality Disorders Support / by Nikkijaay
Last post
 May 8th, 2019
...See more Ok so I hate to admit it but the way I think about my relationship is unhealthy. In the last month, ice felt so scared and depressed and paranoid about my relationship with my boyfriend. We've known eachother forever, have history together, our relationship is still new. We have an interesting dynamic but like.... the slights things just set me off lately. I just miss him and I'm starting to feel uncertain about my relationship. I feel like I'm going crazy. No matter how many times I try to rationalize it, I can't believe that my boyfriend likes me. And is still with me. I feel so anxious that he doesn't actually like me despite reassurances. Nothing seems to calm me down. I'm obsessing over it. I know that paranoia in bpd alters our reality. I know this is irrational thinking but I can't stop and I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to break up with him to save myself the heartache and save what's left of our friendship.... I feel just rlly insecure. It's destroying me. Idk if it's him or me but I'm scared. I like him so much and don't wanna break up, but if I can't believe that he likes me.... then like.... hhh djdjd
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Struggling lately
Personality Disorders Support / by Nikkijaay
Last post
 April 23rd, 2019
...See more I think bpd is affecting me more recently. Specifically, I've felt so paranoid of others. I sometimes get spells where even in the most healthy relationships, I worry that my loved ones are mad at me and hate me and I'm just feeling like... paranoid and sad. I hate having to contstanrly ask for reassurance that I'm liked. I'm just feeling really sad and lonely lately. School is ending for the summer soon and that means I'll be leaving an environment where I actually thrive... my college program has been life changing and has helped me a lot. I'm just sad to be leaving the prescene of people who make me feel good about myself.... I'm also trying to look for a new job. There's just a lot of new changing things and it's stressful and it's hard dealing with it on top of being mentally ill. In the last few weeks the smallest things are enough to throw me into hysterical crying fits. There's a lot going on and nobody really knows and jdjdnfn I'm just having a time silently.... I don't know who to talk to about this
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Not ready to go back to reality
Addiction Support / by Nikkijaay
Last post
 March 1st, 2019
...See more I've been in my reading week for my college, but I still have to attend my internship this week. I really love my work in the field but like.... for the past few days I've been getting together with a guy friend. We have been having a lots of sex and getting high a lot. He spent the night at my house and I went back to his the day after. I really enjoy seeing him, and my libido has been really high lately. I feel most happy being held and caressed and just being close to a person. So much so that it leaves me aching in agony, as edgy as that sounds. I get so horny that I get anxious and sad sometimes, at the thought of having to go for a while without it. With my dependence with weed, I can at least hold off for a few hours a day, but whenever I have a partner I always feel like this. Always wanting to be around them. I'm just laying in bed kind of sad bc even tho I love my internship, I wish my break was longer. On the weekend I'll work and then Monday school starts back up again, so I'll be busy. I wish i could have been with him and had some fun tonight hhh. Just, I guess... we have been seeing eachother for the past three days in a row. It's so hard to return to reality......
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