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NotRelaxedPanda
8,792 M Pacing Forward
PathStep 96 Compassion hearts174 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceFebruary 20, 2021
Bio

INFJ, Gemini, catholic, 7 different psychiatric diagnoses... haha

Recent forum posts
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Not Able To Maintain Sleep Routine
Healthy Living / by NotRelaxedPanda
Last post
 November 12th, 2022
...See more I have several sleep issues since I was 12 or 13. I also suffer from ADHD, BPD, PTSD and binge eating. But sleep is one of the things that impact my life the worst. It's my first year of college and sometimes I am not able to fall asleep at night at all. Sometimes I fall to sleep at 3 am, or just the opposite, too soon, like at 7-8 pm. And sometimes I even manage to fall asleep and wake up soon. My sleep is so low quality I need at least 10-12 hours of sleep every day. Sometimes even more. Last few days I fall asleep about 2-4am and wake up at the noon. It causes so many problems. Of course I absent from school very often. I feel so tired and exhausted all the time which impacts my assingments, essays, exams etc. Sometimes I am not even able to go to doctor appointment or so, because I had too bad sleep that day. I could manage it if it would be regural, I would adjust my timetable etc. But my sleep hours are so different every day. I cannot plan anything, I spend too much time in my bed (sometimes I'm just laying 4 hours till I finally fall asleep) and so. It really ruins my life. I go to psychiatrist but all meds I tried just made it worse. She has nothing to tell than advices as exercise during day, eat healthy and no screens before bedtime. I wish it would be that easy! Sometimes I am worried about my sleep whole day. Like today, I know I will have troubles fall asleep and it is possible I will have huge burst of energy in the night, but tomorrow I have a super important meeting at 9.30 am. Does anyone have similar troubles, please? Do you know what could really help? (But not regular advices everyone heard a million times please)
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Right to feel this way
Depression Support / by NotRelaxedPanda
Last post
 June 4th, 2021
...See more People still do not know how important is the validation of emotions. Actually I neither did, until recently. I have depressions since I was a child, and when I was 13, I was thinking about suicide very often. I was bullied at school, was experiencing domestic abuse at home, I was sexually abused, I had no friends, no one to talk about what I was going through, what's happening at home, at school. And when I found some place on the internet, a forum about depression or so, I said how I felt and everyone was just like... You are spoiled, do not complain, you are young and know nothing about life and suffering... Family members, teachers at school, neighbours and many other adult people must have known that I was not okay, but no one ever tried to help me, recommend me to visit a health care professional, or so. For the first time I have visited a psychologist when I was 18, we were only talking about what time I eat or go to sleep, nothing about the trauma I had. Then she told me I need no help. When I was 20, I went to psychiatrist and again - he told me he cannot help me. Now I am 25. I have a psychiatrist who admits I am severely ill, for the first time, but still just writes a prescribtion and bye. Once she even told me I am just a spoiled kid who needs to be punished. I have no friends in real life, but when I talk about my problems and feelings in the internet, everyone is just like... Cheer up, dont think about your struggles, you are too sensitive, why don't you just pull together, you need to try, you are lazy, collect your thoughts, you're just self-pitying... DAMN NO. My feelings are important and people who have been overlooking my issues all my life have severely hurted me. I need to be heard and supported. I deserve compassion, I deserve love and attention! And that I talk about my feelings so much? Yes, I do. Because it hurts the more, the more you victimize me for them.
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How do I get out of this labyrint?
Depression Support / by NotRelaxedPanda
Last post
 March 13th, 2021
...See more This quote in title describes what I have been feeling for like 10 years. I am 24 years old girl and I have never achieved anything. I did not finish high school, I never had a job, have no friends or hobbies, I have mortal obesity and cannot handle any duties (as home keeping). I live with my mom and she does everything. I have depression from childhood, I went through domestic abuse by my father, sexual abuse by family friend, bully at school.. Now my life is objectively good, but I cannot overcome it. I am addicted to internet and TV and I do nothing. But I have so many dreams! I want to finish school and go to university, I want to write a book, become a therapist, travel the world, have friends, study languages, play musical instruments.. i want to have a job so much. I am not lazy or so. Actually my procrastination is caused by being stressed all the time and overthinking. I have began to "change my life" many times. I am motivated and willing. But I have very bad ADHD and borderline so I have low consistency and loose focus. There are so many things to change. I have to loose weight, study hard, clean&tidy&cook, meet new people (but I have social anxiety) and so. So when I decide to change my life, it goes like this - on Monday I start studying math and try to Cook some easy meal, on tuesday I exercise, on Wednesday I clean, on Thursday I read and eat heakthy.. at the beginning I am overmotivated and do all the things right.. but on saturday I breakdown and actually nothing is Done well. On Monday I try to start... Etc. Week after week, month after month, year after year. I am super stressed and anxious about everything I do wrong which paralyses me so I dont change. I overeate, I have 160 kilograms. I sleep 12 hours a day and spend time watching TV shows, googling or planning And dreaming about future - that Will never happen. I am so alone, no one cares about me (I only talk to mom who Is always too busy), frustrated, feeling unworthy and good for nothing. I am a failure. I need to organise my life but Is seems unreachable. Of course I have a therapist but is not helping much. Just talking and no solution..
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