How do I get out of this labyrint?
This quote in title describes what I have been feeling for like 10 years. I am 24 years old girl and I have never achieved anything. I did not finish high school, I never had a job, have no friends or hobbies, I have mortal obesity and cannot handle any duties (as home keeping). I live with my mom and she does everything. I have depression from childhood, I went through domestic abuse by my father, sexual abuse by family friend, bully at school.. Now my life is objectively good, but I cannot overcome it. I am addicted to internet and TV and I do nothing.
But I have so many dreams! I want to finish school and go to university, I want to write a book, become a therapist, travel the world, have friends, study languages, play musical instruments.. i want to have a job so much. I am not lazy or so. Actually my procrastination is caused by being stressed all the time and overthinking.
I have began to "change my life" many times. I am motivated and willing. But I have very bad ADHD and borderline so I have low consistency and loose focus. There are so many things to change. I have to loose weight, study hard, clean&tidy&cook, meet new people (but I have social anxiety) and so. So when I decide to change my life, it goes like this - on Monday I start studying math and try to Cook some easy meal, on tuesday I exercise, on Wednesday I clean, on Thursday I read and eat heakthy.. at the beginning I am overmotivated and do all the things right.. but on saturday I breakdown and actually nothing is Done well. On Monday I try to start... Etc. Week after week, month after month, year after year. I am super stressed and anxious about everything I do wrong which paralyses me so I dont change.
I overeate, I have 160 kilograms. I sleep 12 hours a day and spend time watching TV shows, googling or planning And dreaming about future - that Will never happen.
I am so alone, no one cares about me (I only talk to mom who Is always too busy), frustrated, feeling unworthy and good for nothing. I am a failure. I need to organise my life but Is seems unreachable.
Of course I have a therapist but is not helping much. Just talking and no solution..
Try to pick one thing that you want to change. Focus on it. No one can do everything at once. Start with something easier. When you accomplish it, you will have satisfaction and confidence to do another. One step, and another.