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Nya2323
58 M Embraced
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2021 Member sinceApril 7, 2021
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I don’t want this relationship, but I want my parter. What should I do?
Depression Support / by Nya2323
Last post
 April 12th, 2021
...See more Hi everyone, my name is Aisha. I've been in this relationship for almost three years. Last here we moved together, I left my job and followed the love. We always had trust issues, mostly me, today only me. My partner is away for some days, and like every other time we separate from each other we get into fights and he breaks up with me. The last time in a month he got mad at me for not trusting him 3 times and broke up with me all of the three times. in a month. Now, I know this is toxic because everybody says so. Yesterday the same thing happened. I asked him common things like every other day of our life, and I got attacked, "is not your business" "you're not a person who deserves to be respected so don't ask for it" "don't mention what I said last week or old things". What he said last week before leaving was that he wouldn't treat me badly and that he would prove to me that is gonna be okay finally. and he said: trust me. And then that happened. I want to live the rest of my life with him, because when he is in good mood, and we are together, he's so good with me! and I'm so grateful sometimes! but then it's like a loop when I feel the best, he finds a way to crush it all, and every time I've been told that this time is different, I believed it. And how many times, and now, I'm doing it too. he broke his word again, but I'm still waiting for him to come back, and hug him. Like if he needs it, but in reality who needs it is me, not him. He'll probably come back and try to break up definitely with me. I'm scared about that. Because every time we fight, I get over it very quickly and my brain doesn't stop thinking of happy things with him, like how to make him happy, or memories or is gonna be everything ok. But then reality comes up and I'm sharing my positivity because for me that fight was nothing, and he treats me even worst, or doesn't listen, or act annoyed. And it breaks me like "did I let myself dream again?" Am I normal? Because everyone tells me to leave him and find someone that deserves me, and will make me happy 24/7, but is there anyone who would fight as I do for what you care about? For what you love? You really believe and trust that it will get better? sometimes I think it's delusional, I know. I'm stuck. I don't want to leave him, I can't. I want for me, but I don't want to. Someone else like me? What's the solution without taking decisions? I know I'm asking too much, I wanted to get it out.
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