I don’t want this relationship, but I want my parter. What should I do?
Hi everyone, my name is Aisha.
I've been in this relationship for almost three years. Last here we moved together, I left my job and followed the love.
We always had trust issues, mostly me, today only me. My partner is away for some days, and like every other time we separate from each other we get into fights and he breaks up with me. The last time in a month he got mad at me for not trusting him 3 times and broke up with me all of the three times. in a month.
Now, I know this is toxic because everybody says so.
Yesterday the same thing happened. I asked him common things like every other day of our life, and I got attacked, "is not your business" "you're not a person who deserves to be respected so don't ask for it" "don't mention what I said last week or old things".
What he said last week before leaving was that he wouldn't treat me badly and that he would prove to me that is gonna be okay finally. and he said: trust me.
And then that happened.
I want to live the rest of my life with him, because when he is in good mood, and we are together, he's so good with me! and I'm so grateful sometimes!
but then it's like a loop when I feel the best, he finds a way to crush it all, and every time I've been told that this time is different, I believed it. And how many times, and now, I'm doing it too.
he broke his word again, but I'm still waiting for him to come back, and hug him. Like if he needs it, but in reality who needs it is me, not him. He'll probably come back and try to break up definitely with me. I'm scared about that. Because every time we fight, I get over it very quickly and my brain doesn't stop thinking of happy things with him, like how to make him happy, or memories or is gonna be everything ok. But then reality comes up and I'm sharing my positivity because for me that fight was nothing, and he treats me even worst, or doesn't listen, or act annoyed. And it breaks me like "did I let myself dream again?"
Am I normal? Because everyone tells me to leave him and find someone that deserves me, and will make me happy 24/7, but is there anyone who would fight as I do for what you care about? For what you love? You really believe and trust that it will get better?
sometimes I think it's delusional, I know.
I'm stuck.
I don't want to leave him, I can't. I want for me, but I don't want to.
Someone else like me? What's the solution without taking decisions? I know I'm asking too much, I wanted to get it out.
I can literally relate to what you are feeling 😓 This is exactly what is driving me to this place today....well amongst a whole other things but yeah, I think I know how wearing this your shoe feels like
I have this girlfriend of mine, I really really like her. We've been together since August 2018 and it's been one hell of a love journey. The highs and lows are too much I think most people in a normal relationship wouldn't be able to relate with. When we started, I didn't want a long term relationship because I met her at a time in my life when I had my life planned out and I was supposed to have traveled outside the following year and I wasn't sure I wanted to be pinned down. I liked her a lot from the beginning so I told her about it and I could visibly see it in her eyes she was hurt when I told her I wouldn't be around for long. We decided to enjoy the little time we had together and it was wonderful. She was more into it and I was still holding back. Story fast tracked to a year after, I wasn't able to travel and had another year to be with her. The tides changed then, i became more involved and more into her, because honestly, she is a lovely girlfriend, most of my happy moments in life, I've had it with her. But things started changing. Little disagreements that could be over looked will explode into one huge argument. We broke up so many times I can't keep count now. In 2020, i was actually supposed to travel and covid came and flights were cancelled, lockdowns happened and I couldn't go either.......another year with her again it meant. There was one time when we had this argument and I knew for sure that was the end of us but we can't stay apart from each other for that long....well at least I can't. I always find my way to creep back to her even though I know that is not going to be our last bad moment. After every bad moment, we break up, after every break up, i talk her out of it for a last chance, by which i mean, another opportunity with her. Problem is, she thinks I'm the cause of all the problems but because I don't want to lose her, I take up all the blame and admit I'm the wrong one. I've done it so many times she doesn't see her mistakes anymore. What's worse is the fact that she's had this impact on me that I feel i can't get from other people and leaving her will be very devastating for me. I'm now more into her and she doesn't care about the relationship anymore. I just want her because when we are in our happy times, it's electric. I know she's in there somewhere and I feel i have to help her recognize what we shared and had. Every one says I should let go because it has changed me a lot, mostly moody and sad within but if they only knew how happy I am anytime we are together and everything is alright. Sad thing is in my head, i know it's over, i just don't know how to break it to my heart.
This seems similar to my relationship. I my girlfrnd if she still is treats me like nothing when we argue, even when i beg her to not fight she persists to say the worst of things to me. We have been together for just 4 months shy of 2 years and in that time we she has broken up with me atleast 11 times and i am not making that up. I confronted her about the break constant break up even with simple issues not all she does is start a fight and go a month or weeks without talking or apologising and like the fool i am i always seem to be happy to forget all she did because i love us when we are not fighting. Ryt now we havent spoken for about a month after she rained all sorts of derogatory phrases while i begged her not to fight as i had done nothing wrong to warrant all that. I love her to death but i'd rather be happy than force her to treat me fight. So right now i dont know if we are broken up or not. I just keep constantly keep hurting for the sake of just feeling loved. I really cant say leave him cause i know how hard that is. I typed all this just to let you know that i am in a similar situation, you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you.
This is exactly the relationship I had. You are not alone.
