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OceanCalm66
3,045 M Hopeful Heart 7
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts512 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceApril 30, 2021
Bio

I am a 55 year old wife, mother and grandmother. I have a total of 5 kids (3 of them are my husband's). They are all grown. Our youngest is 19, in college and lives with us. I love country music and love to line dance. I am spiritual and believe in meditation and crystals. Although it's been 3 to 4 years, I love horseback riding western style. I enjoy the coast/ocean. It's my "go to" place to refresh and recharge. I am also a kid inside ... love amusement parks, water parks, Disneyland, etc.

Recent forum posts
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Feeling line a failure as a wife
50 & Over Community / by OceanCalm66
Last post
 July 22nd, 2021
...See more I really need someone to talk to. I'm so lost and I feel like I'm drowning. No crisis ... Just feeling so alone. In the last year, I have been feeling like I'm worthless. I've been feeling like a failure. What I thought was going to be a good day yesterday turned out not to be. Hubby and I were suppose to have date night at the movies. I had left for a about an hour earlier in the afternoon to run an errand. I kissed him good bye, said I love you (and he said it back) and told him I'd be back. When I got home, he was gone. As if he had left in a hurry. Dogs were put away but his wallet, keys and phone were gone. I called him a few times and he didn't answer. I texted him and he finally answered 20 min later. He said he forgot he needed an oil change so he went. Then the conversation changed. I asked him why he didn't wait for me because our movie didn't start until 610pm. He said he needed to clear his head. At that point, my heart and stomach sank. I asked him why and if it was something I did. He said no but then stated that it was clear that everyone's else's shit mattered and his didn't. He said he was tired of fighting and that everytime we talked about it, it always turned into an argument. I was confused and still am. How can this man think that his stuff doesn't matter to me? He has said it himself to other people that I am good to him and that I take care of him. He even told his kids that. And now he's saying something different. I have a journal that I write in and he doesn't know what I'm struggling with. I want to tell him but I don't want him to think I'm trying to make it all about me and that I'm invalidating his feelings because I'm not. My depression and anxiety has gotten worse over the months because of this struggle I'm having. I feel likze I am worthless and that I've ruined his life. I feel I'm keeping him from his kids and grandkids. Had we not met, he probably would have been in a better place instead of drowning in my crap. He was practically partially retired, had a house and was doing well .... until he met me. We rent a 2 bedrm apt because we can't get a house at the moment because of me ... My credit. And I know he wants a house. I don't know how to fix it. Well, my logic tells me I do know how to fix it but my heart is telling me it's not the right way and that it would hurt us even more. I'm drowning. I can't keep my head above water. The faster I tread, the harder the current pulls me under. I know I need therapy so I'm going to seek it. Bu I don't know if it's going to help me. Maybe that saying is right. If you love someone enough set them free and if he was meant to be with you, he'll come back. Maybe he won't if I decided to end it. I'm so lost and confused. 😭😭😭😭😭
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Coming to the realization parents are slowing down
Family & Caregivers / by OceanCalm66
Last post
 May 13th, 2021
...See more Hello everyone ... my name is Annie. I'm pretty sure that there are others on here that are experiencing what I am experiencing. I just want to know how they were able to accept reality and cope with it. My parents are in their 80's. My dad is 82 and my mom 80. It's hard for me to wrap my head around let alone accept that my parents are "getting old" and slowing down. They are going to the doctors more and more to make sure everything is okay which I know is good. But my dad has been having some health issues. He is getting his sugar checked, kidneys, gout treated and most recently his eyesight is getting bad. He can't see very well even with his glasses on. He's already had one eye appt but he has another one before they actually schedule him for eye surgery which is what I'm freaking out about. My dad has always been the strong male figure in our family. But last week, he called me to tell me is scared of driving far now. What brough this phone call from him to me on is my mom was asking him take her to the Golden Gate Bridge so they can take a walk. My dad had told her he didn't want to and it's not that he didn't want to, he is afraid because he hasn't been to the Golden Gate Bridge in along time. He needs to see the signs in order for him to get there which is what he cannot see. My mom assumed it was because he didn't want to take her but when in reality he is afraid to drive that far. I told him he should tell my mom what he was feeling but he didn't want to. I offered to tell her for him but he didn't want that either because he didn't want my mom to think that he comes to me to talk about "stuff." My dad has never told me that he was afrad of anything until now. This is the first time. Now my mom ... she is slowing down as well. She cannot walk as fast as she used to AND she has issues with balance. We now have to guide her when she is walking especially on stairs and street curbs. She's never had trouble walking before but now she does. I've only noticed it in the last few months. I've told them both that they should use a cand or a motorized cart but they both refuse ... PRIDE. And that is fine. It's me that doesn't seem to want to accept the reality of it all. I've tried and like I said ... I just can't accept or get my head wrapped around the truth. I'm in denial. I've been hiding from my husband and my kids so that I can cry in the corner. There are other things that are making me anxious but this by far is top of the list. How did you all accept this? And how did you all cope with it? I look forward to your responses .... Thank you.
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