Feeling line a failure as a wife

I really need someone to talk to. I'm so lost and I feel like I'm drowning. No crisis ... Just feeling so alone. In the last year, I have been feeling like I'm worthless. I've been feeling like a failure. What I thought was going to be a good day yesterday turned out not to be. Hubby and I were suppose to have date night at the movies. I had left for a about an hour earlier in the afternoon to run an errand. I kissed him good bye, said I love you (and he said it back) and told him I'd be back. When I got home, he was gone. As if he had left in a hurry. Dogs were put away but his wallet, keys and phone were gone. I called him a few times and he didn't answer. I texted him and he finally answered 20 min later. He said he forgot he needed an oil change so he went. Then the conversation changed. I asked him why he didn't wait for me because our movie didn't start until 610pm. He said he needed to clear his head. At that point, my heart and stomach sank. I asked him why and if it was something I did. He said no but then stated that it was clear that everyone's else's shit mattered and his didn't. He said he was tired of fighting and that everytime we talked about it, it always turned into an argument. I was confused and still am. How can this man think that his stuff doesn't matter to me? He has said it himself to other people that I am good to him and that I take care of him. He even told his kids that. And now he's saying something different. I have a journal that I write in and he doesn't know what I'm struggling with. I want to tell him but I don't want him to think I'm trying to make it all about me and that I'm invalidating his feelings because I'm not. My depression and anxiety has gotten worse over the months because of this struggle I'm having. I feel likze I am worthless and that I've ruined his life. I feel I'm keeping him from his kids and grandkids. Had we not met, he probably would have been in a better place instead of drowning in my crap. He was practically partially retired, had a house and was doing well .... until he met me. We rent a 2 bedrm apt because we can't get a house at the moment because of me ... My credit. And I know he wants a house. I don't know how to fix it. Well, my logic tells me I do know how to fix it but my heart is telling me it's not the right way and that it would hurt us even more. I'm drowning. I can't keep my head above water. The faster I tread, the harder the current pulls me under. I know I need therapy so I'm going to seek it. Bu I don't know if it's going to help me. Maybe that saying is right. If you love someone enough set them free and if he was meant to be with you, he'll come back. Maybe he won't if I decided to end it. I'm so lost and confused. 😭😭😭😭😭