Ocelot1028 Member Profile

...See more For those of you who don't know the term "Nmom" is for "narcissistic mother" I wrote this on another forum but thought I'd try it here too, anything to help, to get a piece of mind. My anxiety about this is going overboard and I'm sorry, I even cuss alittle writing it. I am frustrated and need help/advice: I know the tricks my mom pulls, I'm 35, I've lived with her my whole life. Right now we are in the middle of an eviction, it's been a pressing issue since late June mid July, finally court ordered for today and guess what my Nmom still hasn't found a place. She's lived in her fiances lace for over a year now un opposed, she laid in bed watching guardians of the galaxy and that channel Investigation Doscovery. I askd her for months to look, that I had a feeling her future mother in law would evict us, she would just say "don't think negative" . Well that day is here! I've had a younger sister move out with her friend, over the last 5 years I've given my Nmom about 10,000 and only gotten back about 2600. I've finally land a job where I can take care of myself and sure enough my Nmom has this crisis! She never plans, never does anything, frustrates me. I've hung in there for so long, offered ideas on how to make the family stronger(all of my moms kids should get jobs and help, she said no they should go to college.....which just left me to pay the bills with her), now that the shit has really hit the fan, one of my sisters(moms side) got a great paying job, happens in December, her fiancé won't help us. He's living with the people who are evicting us and will move back in the place once he fixes it for his parents! I finally had enough, I'm 35, I'm starting to notice gray hairs, my hair is receding, wrinkles are coming in, I'm getting older. I have nothing to show for it, I have no girlfriend, no time for me. I had a plan to pay off my car, but I'm going to have to redirect it to pay it down and trade it in. I have friends who I've told my problems to(never did before) and now believe it or not some want to help me! A year and a half ago I got off work and had to go to a hotel where my mom and sibs were, with her 4 dogs, I woke up to her dog shitting near my head, one of the worst days in my life. I promised myself I'd never let that happen again. I told my mom that I'd sleep alone in my car before I'd let it happen. So when I told this to my friend she said I'd have a place to sleep and shower, get back on my feet. My mom found out and said "youre looking?!" And "I put you down as living with us when we get a new place!" And "you mean I have to do this by myself?!". The guilt trips laid on so heavy, I know what she was doing so here I am at 4 something AM crying, having what feels like an anxiety attack. I made it clear 6 months to a year I'd be gone, she dismissed it. I told her I have friends now that want to help, she is now getting worried, tries to say "you're going to make your sister do this alone?"(my sister who lives with us is 19 going on 20 and will make 19 an hour, she will make more than me!) I told her how I said I'd never allow myself to sleep on the floor with dogs, she said "you can sleep in the bed then". She completely missed the point! So the eviction states we need to be out today at midnight, I told her this, she said "if we stay they will have to get a note from the sherif which will take 2 weeks, it'll go on our credit reports" . I freaked out, I've spent half a year rebuilding my credit report she messed up, I told her no way, I won't stay! She said it's not the credit report but renters report and that even if I left and told them it has to be a group thing. So now my credit for renting is in her hands now.... No matter how well I do I can't fucking win(sorry for cussing). I've finally saved up money, finally got a good job, finally fixed my credit and she's going to ruin it again! I told her I won't pay 100 a night for a hotel room for her and her dogs. She's waited for so ling, looked at places waaaay out of her price range, lied on her apartment applications, she won't look outside the area we live in. I've finally found some help and here I am feeling like shit. But if I stayed it would hurt too, I'm sure I'd loose my money I saved up, credit would be destroyed, all to go through another eviction because she can't plan right, she can't afford the places she's getting. I see this pattern and it scares me, I can't and won't go through it anymore. She makes it seem like I'm taking the cowards way out, leaving 2 women to do the work. I'm sorry but I pointed out to her that I pay all my own bills with no help, I got myself the job I wanted, my sister got her own job....2 of them! Yet anything left up to her is filled with excuses "they didn't get my paperwork" "I called them, they didn't return my call!" "They want more paperwork" it's always so etching, someone either didn't get something or wants more, her projects are never done. She chose to get engaged to a man who won't help her, who's family is evicting her and yet somehow she's guilting me?! It's not fair, I know this trick she's pulling and yet I'm scared of my future. Losing more family members, I even worried about the dogs at one point, why am I worrying more than her? I shouldn't! I originally wanted my middle sister on my dads side to move in with me, have our own place but she's gone. She choose to get high and drunk, completely left me behind and she knew what my mom was doing to me. I'm losing so many family members, just being abandoned or guilted or having conditions put on me. I sometimes feel like I'm going to break. I haven't but I feel it, especially tonight. Hat if the sherrifs come tonight and serve those papers and not in 2 weeks? Why even wait til then? I don't know, I'm rambling now. I'm sorry. I know I have so e friends who are willing to help, that's a plus. I have this group her to vent to and talk to, thank you. I don't know why I'm feeling all these emotions right now. I'm scared for my future my mom and sibs that choose to live with her, more so than my Nmom is scared of it.

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