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OwlofAges
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PathStep 4 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceJanuary 3, 2021
Bio

Young woman in Texas struggling with Bipolar I and on the Autism Spectrum.

Recent forum posts
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Doubt and Bipolar make it hard to make decisions
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by OwlofAges
Last post
 October 19th, 2021
...See more Overall, I think I’ve been pretty ok lately. I adopted a kitten and I got my very first full time job that is almost in my field of study. The only problem is that I loathe this job. I like the coworkers, I like the kids I work with, but everything is disorganized and communication is practically non existent until there’s a desisted. I’ve been working there for a solid month and yesterday was the first day I actually did the work in the job description. so I’ve got a new job lined up, I can start there next week. It’s not in my field but it’s still fulfilling work. They have comparable benefits but I will take a $650 pay cut (which is equivalent to my half of rent) but is absolutely still a living wage in my area. I don’t want to stay at my job, but I’m still terrified that I’ll making some kind of dumb manic decision, and my parents think so. But my friends think I need out. Im AWFUL at making decisions like this because I doubt myself both because of my upbringing AND my bipolar.
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Hallucinations before a mood swing?
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by OwlofAges
Last post
 September 17th, 2021
...See more So, before I begin, I have talked to my doctor about this so don't worry. Anyway, I wanted to ask if anyone else experiences this. I tend to start experiencing visual hallucinations a few weeks to a few days before a proper mood state begins. It's like my brain gives me a little warning. It's also odd because it's less that there is something in front of me that doesn't exist, but instead, stationary objects start to move as if alive. Towels on the floor crawling across the floor like slugs, walls breathing, the pipe of a sink looking like it's swallowing something. At first, my doctor thought this might be a seizure of some kind because it didn't fit with a standard hallucination. I took normal, sleep-deprived, and long-term EEG studies and found no anomalies. They also checked my eyes. All normal, so it appears it's my brain being a jackass as usual. I know that depression and mania can cause hallucinations but has anyone had them leading up to a mood swing?
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Loosing it big time
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by OwlofAges
Last post
 March 5th, 2021
...See more So, I’m sorry if this is like the 4th post I’ve made on these forums. I’ve been posting a lot here because honestly I just don’t have anywhere else to go with my thoughts right now. The last time I tried to talk to my best friend about what I should do about my job and my mental health she said “Right now your just worrying about everything and whining. Either try the disability or the teaching, your not going to solve anything by just sitting” But fuck me I’m so ungodly depressed right now and I dread litterally every second I think about work or doing pretty much anything. I’m having suicidal ideation, complete lack of concentration and motivation, and just crying all the fucking time. I’m looking everywhere for some kind of help but I feel like nothing is making it easier and I’m not severe enough for inpatient or other immediate care because I’m not like ACTIVELY suicidal. I feel like everything is made worse by the constant stress from this new job I got. I’m teaching Spanish part time and I’m honestly not qualified to teach it even though I speak it. Hell I might have even quit by now but I’ve already met the kids and if I leave they won’t have a Spanish teacher and the other two teachers who were teaching part time will have to take over again. But I also don’t know what the fuck to do because it’s driving me deeper and deeper into this pit of depression. I usually love teaching and I love my other teaching job as a painting teacher, but this job is making me loose it.
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