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Paragon21
258 M Embraced 2
PathStep 32 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceJuly 24, 2018
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Venting about life
Depression Support / by Paragon21
Last post
 December 12th, 2018
...See more I have no home. Before recently college was the worst place on Earth. My freshman year here was an absolute hell, I was constantly miserable whenever I wasnt with friends. I couldnt wait to go home every break, altough I never told my parents or anyone that I hate it here or Im depressed etc. So summer shouldve been amazing, but no. My brother (who was a toxic person years before this) went on a drug-fueled rage that lasted 2 months and he targeted me. He would come into the house and my parents would have to call the police to get him out (of course they never helped in all this other than as a threat). He threatened me, tried to hurt me, and one time he came to the house at 5 AM, came into my room, said something I cant remember. If I wasnt hiding under the covers and he saw me I dont know what he wouldve done. Now though everything is good! It was bc of drugs so that makes it totally okay (/sarcasm). My parents now want me to make up with my brother and I cannot see him. I am scared to, and disregarding that, I fucking hate him. For years before this he was a jerk, if he wasnt my brother I wouldve cut him out of my life before this. My parents are very upset by me not wanting him around, my dad has called me selfish, my mom keeps crying about it and I dont know what to do anymore. After all the stress of finals Im gonna go home and be tortured by guilt, which is worse than anything. I dont want to come home, but college still is terrible. Idk what to do
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Everything feels like a loop
Depression Support / by Paragon21
Last post
 October 19th, 2018
...See more I'm 19 and in college and lately things have seemed pointless and repetitive. Everyday feels the same, it's just a slightly different variation. Even the words I say and hear sound like it's all been said before. I don't even have a real job yet and I feel this way, I don't know how people at 50 have done this for so long and not feel everything is just a repeating cycle. It's hard to go through the day like this, everything feels unimportant and like it'll never get any better and I have to live through it all until my body finally dies. Is anyone else struggling with the same thing?
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