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Pleaseimfallingapart
298 M Embraced 2
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2020 Member sinceSeptember 17, 2020
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A lonely celebration
Depression Support / by Pleaseimfallingapart
Last post
 September 18th, 2020
...See more Today's my 20th birthday. Officially not a teenager any longer, it's crazy to think about. It doesn't feel like my birthday, then again I don't remember the last time it did. I've been so alone this week, dreading my birthday more and more as the days went by. Was meant to spend my birthday trip with...him. But he abandoned me like everyone else does. What a great way to start off my adult years, alone, heartbroken, stressed. I'm forcing myself to go on the trip anyway, but all I can think about is everything WE were meant to do. It makes me sick, I've not eaten in three days. I finally showered, it was scary being in there with nothing but my thoughts. I don't like where my mind takes me, it's so dark. I feel like I'm being dumb for being so effected by everything, that I shouldn't let people see I'm weak. But as much as I try, I can't hold it in. It makes me feel like I'm seeking attention, when I only want one persons attention. All the wrong people are telling me happy birthday, and I have to fight the urge to cry everytime. It's getting hard to get up in the mornings, especially after dreaming of him. What did I do? I'll never actually know. But I'm trying to move past it as hard as it is. Wish I knew how long it would take, don't know how long I can stay in the dark.
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I don
Depression Support / by Pleaseimfallingapart
Last post
 September 18th, 2020
...See more Where do I even begin? I've been through one of the worst weeks I've had in almost 2 years. To begin with my uncle died last week with his funeral being on Sunday. Monday everything was nice and peaceful. My boyfriend comforted me gave me everything that I needed to feel better. I had my friends there for me I had my boyfriend who I love very much telling me how much he loved me. I wake up Tuesday morning and he has ghosted me. I got my answer yesterday after telling him I would show up to speak to him. He gave me a "I don't want a relationship, I love you I'm sorry" message and got rid of me on every social media. I wrote a letter today expressing my feelings put it in a bag with his shirt , dropped it off at his house and went my way onto work. While I was on my way to work I saw him getting out of his car and pulled in to speak to him. He didn't say a word to me simply shooed me away with his hand. I guess that gives me the answer that I needed, the answer I definitely didn't want. I'm lost and confused especially since everything was fine two days ago. We were even meant to go to the beach today for a four-day weekend trip for my birthday which is tomorrow. He acts like he hates me and at the moment I hate me too for whatever I did to push away the one person that I excepted into my life after so long. I'm falling back to that dark empty place and fear that this time, I won't make it out.
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