A lonely celebration
Today's my 20th birthday. Officially not a teenager any longer, it's crazy to think about. It doesn't feel like my birthday, then again I don't remember the last time it did.
I've been so alone this week, dreading my birthday more and more as the days went by. Was meant to spend my birthday trip with...him. But he abandoned me like everyone else does. What a great way to start off my adult years, alone, heartbroken, stressed. I'm forcing myself to go on the trip anyway, but all I can think about is everything WE were meant to do. It makes me sick, I've not eaten in three days. I finally showered, it was scary being in there with nothing but my thoughts. I don't like where my mind takes me, it's so dark. I feel like I'm being dumb for being so effected by everything, that I shouldn't let people see I'm weak. But as much as I try, I can't hold it in. It makes me feel like I'm seeking attention, when I only want one persons attention.
All the wrong people are telling me happy birthday, and I have to fight the urge to cry everytime.
It's getting hard to get up in the mornings, especially after dreaming of him. What did I do? I'll never actually know. But I'm trying to move past it as hard as it is.
Wish I knew how long it would take, don't know how long I can stay in the dark.
@Pleaseimfallingapart
Happy Birthday. A good day to hit the reset button, start eating right, sleeping right, breathing right, getting physical activity throughout the day, starting dumping fixed mindsets and replacing them with growth mindsets, start mini habits that are so tiny they lead to success and happiness.
Regarding him... Things take time for people to process mentally and emotionally.
This resource explains and also provides ideas that work for some people.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201605/the-best-way-move-after-breakup
Meanwhile Tai Chi relaxing and breathing feels good.. I do Tai Chi stretching and breathing before bed to relax and clear the mind as explained here...
@Pleaseimfallingapart i can really relate to what you are going through and i wish you could have a happier birthday. *hugs* maybe you could use this as a chance to restart this next year being 20. i wish i knew why he left you too, you don't deserve that. thoughts are really hard to deal with alone. do you have a friend or someone you could talk to? i feel so so bad i really wish i could help
