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Puppyperson23
2,397 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts33 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2020 Member sinceFebruary 12, 2016
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Things haven't been half bad
Trauma Support / by Puppyperson23
Last post
 June 23rd, 2019
...See more Bit of a weird rant tonight for anyone reading. I might be the whitest Mexican of all time. My grandpa and Mom are Mexican but my dad is Irish and having been raised by my grandpa for a good part of my life I picked some Spanish up over time. I know a lot of Spanish culture and all that stuff and yet I'm white with dark red hair and people tend to be a bit surprised when I speak Spanish. All that considered, things haven't been half bad. I missed a concert I really wanted to go to because of work but my friends spoke with the lead singer who is my musical inspiration and apparently he remembered me from last time they were in town when we ate dinner together after the show and talked about music. I even got a text from him after the show so that was pretty cool. Work hasn't been horrible lately, getting ready for a shift change so I'm hoping I can get two days off in a row which would be nice. Preferably night or overnight shift since I don't sleep much anyways. Tomorrow me and two other friends are gonna be looking at appartments and seeing if we want to get one, another close friend owns the building so he said he'd cut us a deal on rent so long as we got the deposit in. All and all things aren't half bad right now, besides the couple that had sex in the bathrooms at work, fuck those people. Other than that, I hope everybodys doing all right and just know that things can't stay bad for ever. Keep working through it.
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Here we are again
Trauma Support / by Puppyperson23
Last post
 May 21st, 2019
...See more Well, I don't know if anyone reads these or if im supposed to make a new thread each time I do one of these but here we are again. I've continued to be clean, again. After falling off the wagon. Again. I'm really struggling at work as of late, which sucks because it's a gas station. I mean, things are just beyond inconsistent and chaotic and while I love that kind of thing in my free time, it's not great when your schedule is open to change everyday. I write film scripts, I know film making like the back of my hand, I make music, I can sell shit, I can talk to people with ease, and I can lift heavy shit really well and out of all of those things, I still struggle with a gas station gig. I know a lot of this probably sounds like whining and well, it kinda is but I can't help but be embarrassed about it. I just want to do what I love but I don't have the money, or the time, or even the job that provides enough money because no factory will hire me, even after months of calling every day and I just don't know what I'm doing with me life. I waste my money going to concerts, and traveling, and breaking into abandoned buildings, trying to experience things but I'm going nowhere with life. Maybe I sound a bit melodramatic, I'm 18 but I'm back to not having control of things, just a basic control of my life and I'm struggling with that. I can't become autonomous if my life revolves around work and I can't live my life without some dead end job.
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Making progress with a few steps back for good measure
Trauma Support / by Puppyperson23
Last post
 May 16th, 2019
...See more Reader warning Well, in the last couple weeks I've found myself making some progress on my horrible fear of sleep. For the last two years, I've forced myself to stay awake until my body collapses and it's slowly been killing me. I've always known it has been, sleeping from anywhere between 12-16 hours a week was never healthy but even if I tried to sleep more, the nightmares that acted more as flashbacks to my past, always caused me to wake in a world covered in anxiety. To fully understand it (and possibly because I just need to keep repeating this to myself to understand it) would require a look into my past but more specifically one moment. At the age of 16, I was a respected and powerful member of the orginized crime syndicates within my state. But although I sat at the big kids table, I was still just a puppet who they believed needed a reminder of the rules. I was kidnapped, driven to the middle of nowhere, and forced to watch a man I never knew beg for his life before losing it. I'll never forget the look on his face, the way he looked at me, as if I could somehow stop it. I see him, every night I sleep, and although I have been working on sleeping more and trying to get better I always see the man in my sleep. And it terrifies me. Which is how I've gone two steps backwards. As a reaction, the nightmares pushed me off the wagon. I abused hydros again, and although I've stopped, the fear of a total relapse is ever present in my mind. Hope all are well
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Working through it with art
Trauma Support / by Puppyperson23
Last post
 May 15th, 2019
...See more I don't usually talk about the things I go throiht openly, however; I often use music, writing, and other art forms to express myself. I grew up in a mostly absent household. My dad ran a bar and we got to see him once a week for an hour (excepting the times I would sneak out there after I tucked my siblings in) and my mom worked full time and would be home around midnight which forced me to effectively become a parent at a young age but I also found connections in two very common places yet extremely personal places; being a box VHS tapes my grandfather gave me and an old offbrand iPod my dad got me at a garage sale. So as I got older and got more into writing and music, I eventually branched out and started to create things that I used to channel my struggles and pain, writing full length film scripts and making music of all sorts of genres from rap and acoustic to genres like deathcore and punk. I love film and music and it's provided me with an outlet for emotions, as a guy, I've been told I shouldn't feel. It's helped me through a lot of my life struggles and while I haven't gotten any critical success in either roles, I continue to write and produce in hopes that one day I can forge my dreams into reality. I hope everyone's doing well and for anybody who has a dream that seems hard to achieve, tackle it realistically but nevertheless don't stop dreaming. Because I think we stop dreaming, we effectively stop being us.
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