Here we are again

Well, I don't know if anyone reads these or if im supposed to make a new thread each time I do one of these but here we are again.

I've continued to be clean, again. After falling off the wagon. Again. I'm really struggling at work as of late, which sucks because it's a gas station. I mean, things are just beyond inconsistent and chaotic and while I love that kind of thing in my free time, it's not great when your schedule is open to change everyday.

I write film scripts, I know film making like the back of my hand, I make music, I can sell shit, I can talk to people with ease, and I can lift heavy shit really well and out of all of those things, I still struggle with a gas station gig.

I know a lot of this probably sounds like whining and well, it kinda is but I can't help but be embarrassed about it. I just want to do what I love but I don't have the money, or the time, or even the job that provides enough money because no factory will hire me, even after months of calling every day and I just don't know what I'm doing with me life.

I waste my money going to concerts, and traveling, and breaking into abandoned buildings, trying to experience things but I'm going nowhere with life. Maybe I sound a bit melodramatic, I'm 18 but I'm back to not having control of things, just a basic control of my life and I'm struggling with that. I can't become autonomous if my life revolves around work and I can't live my life without some dead end job.