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PurpleGh0st
13,436 M Pacing Forward 9
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts227 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2021 Member sinceJune 22, 2017
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Long distance relationship - is it really a temporary break or did he just ease me into a breakup?
Relationship Stress / by PurpleGh0st
Last post
 April 20th, 2018
...See more I began talking to a very lovely man over a year ago through a music website. Things progressed and we started to share feelings. We decided to start a relationship after about five months of talking even though we hadn't met because meeting was going to be impossible for a very long time (we live in different countries, which is unfortunate, but we concluded I would move to his country). We were committed and wanted to work on meeting, then if that went well, we planned to close the distance. As time progressed I was hearing more and more about his depression and conversations were being swayed away from meeting. He was on medication before we started the relationship and it seemed to be working. Gradually things changed and last month he told me he felt extreme negative emotions and couldn't get them out of his mind. He became very defensive which led to arguments, and one which was particularly heated. Some time after this (but not directly after the argument), he went onto cut contact with me, leaving me to call and message him over and over with no response. Eventually when I got through to him he finally said he could no longer be in a relationship at that time (two weeks ago now) because he was unstable. We sort of, but not concretely, settled on a break and a time frame of around one month. He didn't actually agree on the time frame; it was me who made the suggestion to which he replied that he thought it would be a good idea to take some time to sort ourselves out. He said the following things: He does want to be with me. He doesn't think he's fit to be in a relationship right now (two weeks ago). That he's not breaking up with me forever and that he loves me. I'm the only person he wants to be with. He doesn't want to break up with me at all, but he's not in a good state to be in a relationship because he's not stable enough. He promises that I'm the only one for him. That it's not a break up. That he doesn't want me to have expectations of him being a good boyfriend at the moment because it's not possible. He doesn't mind if I message him but he doesn't want me to worry if he doesn't reply for a while. He said he'll still get my messages. He doesn't want to see other people. He loves me very much and he promises not to hurt himself. Because I've been in a highly manipulative and abusive relationship before where I lived with the abuser, I've noticed that the insecurities I was left with are surfacing in this situation. I'm struggling a lot because seeing as we didn't get a chance to meet yet, I'm actually questioning whether his words are sincere. I'm afraid he will never contact me again and he just didn't have the heart to tell me it was over. What I'd like help with is understanding whether it's more likely to be relationship withdrawal relating to depression or if he just doesn't want to be with me, or care about me. x
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