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RationalOak434
194 M Embraced 1
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2019 Member sinceOctober 22, 2019
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Found out my husband is a user
Relationship Stress / by RationalOak434
Last post
 October 26th, 2019
...See more Husband admit to me he used drugs one night when he came in late said he was slipped something....i understood and after exchanging heated words tried to move on but today i recieved a phone call stating he did it again...was afraid he couldnt control it and that he didnt want to lose me. We have been together for 10 years and ive suspected that its been more than these 2 incidents with no proof. This is a deal breaker for me and triggers so many memories that makes me think of the many times he was possibly betraying me and our children. He isnt the richest man and finding affordable services in our area are slim to none so im afraid that im watching the first steps for clear cut addiction with our children in the middle. Even though we are not together and still have children to care for seeing his face makes me want to do unspeakable things. Im depressed because through this all i still love him and want the best for him and our family even if we arent together. I dont think i will ever be able to trust him again and seeing the impact it has had on our children is killing me. Its so hard to put on a happy face when you feel like your drowning inside. My kids want their father at home but i simply cant risk it. Im ashamed and embarrassed and cant even tell my family. How do you even move on from this? How can you heal when life just keeps getting harder? How do you combat the loneliness after having a partner for all these years?
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Repeating the cycle
Depression Support / by RationalOak434
Last post
 October 22nd, 2019
...See more Maybe being a good person just isnt enough. Im new to the group and just wanted to share my reality with you guys. i havent quite been able to share my life with my friends and family out of pure embarrassment and disappointment so thanks for listening in advance. I am currently in a 10 year relationship with someone who has battled some form of mental illness undiagnosed (poor...no insurance....unaffordable) all of his life. We have a child who has suffered from the inconsistency and uncertainty we experience from him on a daily basis. I know i suffer from depression, but ive taught myself to get up even when i have to use every ounce of will power and strength i have left in me for the sake of our kid because im not sure if i could do it for just myself. After doing something completely out of the norm and me giving the ultimatum he is finally seeking help but i dont know how to be supportive especially when i have to take over fulltime parenting as well as working fulltime while fighting my own battles....i feel like im drowning and passing down these traits to our kid. Ive been toxic i know i have....ive been impatient and so caught up in saving my spouse ive forgotten to come up for air myself. Ive always given more to other than i have myself but for some reason i dont feel like im capable of giving my kid more and he/she does not deserve this....none of us do. Life to me feels like being awakened from a coma everyday without my permission.
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