Found out my husband is a user

Husband admit to me he used drugs one night when he came in late said he was slipped something....i understood and after exchanging heated words tried to move on but today i recieved a phone call stating he did it again...was afraid he couldnt control it and that he didnt want to lose me. We have been together for 10 years and ive suspected that its been more than these 2 incidents with no proof. This is a deal breaker for me and triggers so many memories that makes me think of the many times he was possibly betraying me and our children. He isnt the richest man and finding affordable services in our area are slim to none so im afraid that im watching the first steps for clear cut addiction with our children in the middle. Even though we are not together and still have children to care for seeing his face makes me want to do unspeakable things. Im depressed because through this all i still love him and want the best for him and our family even if we arent together. I dont think i will ever be able to trust him again and seeing the impact it has had on our children is killing me. Its so hard to put on a happy face when you feel like your drowning inside. My kids want their father at home but i simply cant risk it. Im ashamed and embarrassed and cant even tell my family. How do you even move on from this? How can you heal when life just keeps getting harder? How do you combat the loneliness after having a partner for all these years?