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SHAEXX
1 22,466 M Aiming High 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts377 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 12, 2016
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I wish…
Depression Support / by SHAEXX
Last post
 January 28th, 2022
...See more I literally just wish tomorrow I could wake up and feel different. Be different, think different. Its like I hear all the advice, the kind words, “the help” and I literally still feel exactly the same. I genuinely WANT to change, I don’t want to feel like this anymore and I still do? I still can’t eat, it literally makes me feel sick. I still can’t get up. I still don’t like myself. Im unhappy. I’m unhappy here and I feel useless. I feel violated. Every single day is harder than the last. How do I get out of this?
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I just can’t say it.
Trauma Support / by SHAEXX
Last post
 June 17th, 2021
...See more I can type it, I can write it but I just can’t say it. I can’t physically bring myself to tell anyone that may care about me (not that that’s many people) It may be because the first time I did, no one listened, no one helped... I’m still unsure to this day if they even believed me. I was sexually abused throughout my childhood by a family member and it’s haunting me. Only sometimes...sometimes I’m okay but other times I just can’t cope. It’s hurting more and more everyday and I just don’t know what to do about it. I was a child. I’m an adult now, I’m confused as to why it’s bothering me so much when it was so long ago. I know I need more than just help, but I don’t even know where to start. I also can’t even bring myself to just say it! It sounds dumb, but I go mute when I try. I panic, I shut down, I just can’t ... I don’t even remember it all. I remember a few bits and pieces but not enough. I don’t want to remember, but maybe I need to? TMI: As an adult, I often find myself not remembering sex. It’ll be consensual and I can enjoy myself. However if I try to recall it, I simply can’t. I often don’t remember the entirety, sometimes I can barely remember how it started. I’m assuming a part of my brain blocks anything of the sort out. I can’t even sleep anymore. I know they can’t get me, I know it wasn’t my fault. But it happened, and for that reason I’m suffering.
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