Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
ScaredHamster
1 142 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceOctober 18, 2021
Bio
Recent forum posts
ScaredHamster profile picture
I just want to be normal
Anxiety Support / by ScaredHamster
Last post
 October 18th, 2021
...See more The pandemic has made me less sane that I was before. I had stayed indoors for 5 months, going out very rarely. At some point it had been 2 months of staying inside and I just had to go out for a walk or I might have actually gone insane. That was because of my country's 6 month lockdown and because my family is very scared of COVID(I live with 5 other people, 2 of them being old) . This made me "forget" how the outside world was. I was not used to anything besides my house. First time actually going out to see my boyfriend, the car ride made me sick. And I have had panic attacks and anxiety before, but it had never been so bad. I was afraid of cars then, fearing I will get dizzy and throw up. And I have emetophobia and even feeling dizzy causes me extreme anxiety. I actually feel I will die whenever I feel like throwing up. But it was not just the cars. I had to get used to seeing long distances. I felt like falling every time I was out. I was afraid of crowds and people in general. Because my family is so afraid of COVID, they made me equally afraid, if not for myself for them. I was afraid to go to my boyfriend's house because it was the first time going out that I got dizzy there and my stupid brain connected his house with dizziness. I was afraid to go there, because I was sick once, I could feel sick again and I could throw up. But I couldn't let that happen. I didn't stop seeing my boyfriend, but I ate less whenever that happened. I ate less whenever I had to go somewhere with a car. And now that my uni has started, I'm afraid to eat because of might panic during the lectures, and if I panic I may get dizzy and I may throw up. And I can't let that happen. It's been one week since my uni started. Last week I skipped a day because I was so anxious I couldn't get out of bed. And today I cried three times because I couldn't get on a bus. I haven't gotten on a bus a year+. Every thing I am not used to is a threat. And the bus is one of them. There are too many people on a bus. And although that's not really my problem -I mean it's not covid-, I'm still afraid. Because I might get dizzy, and I might not be able to get down. And the people around me will make it more difficult for me to get down. It's just that the bus has no escapes. I won't be able to get out if I do panic. I waited with my boyfriend for 2 hours seeing the buses pass by. Because he helps me and being with someone on something so foreign will help me. But I couldn't get on. And I felt trapped there, unable to go home. I've never felt this hopeless. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be normal
Search more from @ScaredHamster
Community updates
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
6 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Chief Chat First Post Reaching out First Compassion
Report an issue