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Shyness98
1 7,561 M Moving Along 7
PathStep 141 Compassion hearts535 Forum posts282 Forum upvotes443 Current upvotes443 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2025 Member sinceAugust 14, 2017
Bio

" You can't hate yourself into a version of yourself into someone you can love"

Recent forum posts
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I’m in my own way
Anxiety Support / by Shyness98
Last post
 June 13th, 2025
...See more I’d like to start off to say that relatively my life is peaceful and I am content with a lot of things but I feel that I value being comfortable rather than going for what it is I really want. I think the only thing missing in my life is a sense of purpose and belonging. I yearn for connection and I feel that I know what it is I should do. I grew up believing I didn’t have needs. My parents always talked down on needing friends and wanting to be social. My parents gave the notion that being miserable was a badge of honor and “oh look at me I’m so happy tough and strong I don’t need anyone” when they got married it was all logical and the thing to do but they never once expressed that they loved each other. When my brother and I were growing up and wanted to hang with our friends my mom would say what for? Long story short. I feel that I’m stuck in a paralysis when I know I should be out and looking for communities such as dance and clubs and any events to meet people but I’m too scared to
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There’s always a fear of missing out
Anxiety Support / by Shyness98
Last post
 April 1st, 2025
...See more Whenever I have a moment to be still, I’m thinking about the things I should be doing and what I didn’t do. I feel that I’m letting my life pass me by. I’m scared that I’m going to look back on these times with regret.
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Obsessed with makeup
Hobby Zone / by Shyness98
Last post
 April 7th, 2025
...See more Is anyone here obsessed with makeup? I’m 27 now and I always felt that I’d grow out of wearing dramatic makeup but nope. It just gets more intense. Granted I can’t wear the bold looks like I used to. I used to wear black lipstick and the smokiest eyeshadow. I used to have a collection of eyeshadow and lipstick but now I like to focus on using everything up. Anyone here love makeup? Please leave your favorite products and trends!
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Hmm on a mission to find my purpose
Depression Support / by Shyness98
Last post
 March 25th, 2025
...See more So I've had my squabbles with trauma, and I've lived my life sort of in isolation. I'm 27 with no kids and no romantic partner. Lately, I've been unhappy and I feel that I'm just existing. I'm a teacher's aide who works in a transitional kindergarten school. I love it, but when I go home, I'm left feeling numb and anxious. I still live at home with my parents and I have finished my bachelor's degree. I feel that I'm waiting for something to happen or I'm overthinking what the next step is. I originally wanted to be a psychologist, but as time passed, I realized I love working with kids, especially little kids. Since I have my bachelor's degree, I've been thinking about getting my teaching credential to hurry up and get a big girl job. I feel like I'm dragging my feet with a lot of things, like dating, pursuing a career, and overall participating in life. I feel like maybe I shouldn't overthink these things and just go for it, and if I regret it, oh well. I'm so antsy to live life that I ironically end up procrastinating or in freeze mode because I don't want to make the wrong decision. I feel like I should just go out there and explore the world until I find something that lights a fire within me. I want to go live life. 
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Finally Letting It All Out
Journals & Diaries / by Shyness98
Last post
 July 3rd, 2024
...See more I don't remember how it all started but this year since August I've been struggling with my job. I work at an afterschool program and I was given the chance to work with 1st & 2nd graders, I had to run this online reading program and it seemed that no matter what I did I just couldn't live up to my boss's expectations. My boss has given me red flags from the beginning. She talked behind everyone's back and lived for the validation of others. She would bully people into showering her with compliments. At first she seemed nice and friendly but still showed those mean girl tendencies. I just thought if I set boundaries that her and her second in command would respect them. I was completely wrong because I didn't realize I was dealing with narcissist's. I couldn't believe that there was people that truly thought like that. Eventually my boss started excluding me, scowling at me, gaslighting me, and pretty much treating me like I was beneath her. This deteriorated my mental health. I was lucky enough to find a new job that I love but the previous job practically cornered me into staying until the end of the school year. I ended up staying because my two friends there are also receiving the same treatment, I just hope and pray they get new jobs too. I have two weeks left and I'm just so ready to leave. I just want to find peace and be able to sleep again. I haven't been sleeping well because of this whole ordeal. I just can't believe that there are people who treat people this way and truly believe they are in the right. My boss and her second in command pretty much formed their own little mean girl clique with them two and another employee and I truly hope they get what they deserve. I honestly think that they are embarrassing and gross. There's no way I would act like that be proud and content with myself. The only peace I have is knowing that they are probably miserable and insecure within themselves. 
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This Has Truly Been a Hard Year
Anxiety Support / by Shyness98
Last post
 May 25th, 2024
...See more Ever since I started this job in November 2022 my life has been overwhelmingly stressful and heavy. I never new I could endure this much stress and at the moment I'm so burnt out. I have three more weeks at this toxic job and then I'm free. I've been dealing with a toxic work environment as a paraprofessional and a lot of the kids have been awful. To add on top of that my boss has been toxic throwing passive aggressive comments, yelling at me, ostracizing me. I feel that my self esteem has plummeted and I don't know how I'm going to bring my confidence back up. I'm so disappointed in myself for not sticking up for myself earlier. I should have left months ago and I shouldn't have let them bully me into staying until the end of the school year. I know other people go through similar situations but I still feel so alone. My nervous system is all over the place and I've never had such a foggy brain. I just want to get through these three weeks.
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I Don't Know If I'll Make It Through This Month
Work & Career / by Shyness98
Last post
 May 7th, 2024
...See more For the past two years I've been working at an after school program as a paraprofessional. I have a very intimidating supervisor and I felt that I kept making mistakes and I was too scared to confront her outright with them. She's a perfectionist and from the get go I knew that I wouldn't be able to live up to her expectations. We are dealing with 108 kids and we have some of the most defiant sixth graders. We were under pressure to implement these online programs, keep the kids under control, make sure they're doing their homework, and pay attention to the walkie talkies when they are communicating with us. I guess overtime I just started to get overwhelmed with the job. There was so much going on and eventually I started burning out. I wasn't performing the job as well as my coworkers. Overtime my boss and her second in charge started casting me out from the group and treating me like crap when it was just me alone. They would intimidate me and I would be frozen in shock. I didn't know how to react when they would belittle me and throw passive aggressive remarks. I feel so weak and incompetent. People tell me to stick up for myself and I feel that I have but I truly feel that I'm dealing with two narcissists. Two people who will do anything to "win" even though I don't care to win. Thankfully by the grace of God I found a new job but I still have to finish up my contract with this toxic job. My last day working this job is June 6 and I have this month left. I'm praying, and hoping that I make through it. I'm still casted out and the women don't talk to me and are still passive aggressive. People say that I shouldn't let it get to me but this environment is so toxic. It's worse than highschool. I would rather go back to highschool twice over than to work this job. I just want to know that I'm not the only one that's going through this and that this boss doesn't define who I am and that there is an end to all this. I pray that I never have to see these women again. I hate them so much and I'm going to need therapy after this is all said and done. 
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I Feel So Worthless and Defeated
Depression Support / by Shyness98
Last post
 November 17th, 2023
...See more I’m honestly so tired and my body is shaking by how scared I am. I work in a school with a group of five women and I’m starting to hate it. My boss has been scolding me left and right and I can’t take it anymore. I’m counting down the days until the school year is over in June. I’m just praying that I get through it. I just can’t take it anymore. I feel so worthless like I can’t do anything right just because I don’t fit in with my coworkers or because I’m not quick on my feet like them. I’m so miserable. I don’t know how to enjoy my life anymore.
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