I’m in my own way

I’d like to start off to say that relatively my life is peaceful and I am content with a lot of things but I feel that I value being comfortable rather than going for what it is I really want. I think the only thing missing in my life is a sense of purpose and belonging. I yearn for connection and I feel that I know what it is I should do. I grew up believing I didn’t have needs. My parents always talked down on needing friends and wanting to be social. My parents gave the notion that being miserable was a badge of honor and “oh look at me I’m so happy tough and strong I don’t need anyone” when they got married it was all logical and the thing to do but they never once expressed that they loved each other. When my brother and I were growing up and wanted to hang with our friends my mom would say what for? Long story short. I feel that I’m stuck in a paralysis when I know I should be out and looking for communities such as dance and clubs and any events to meet people but I’m too scared to