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StanOnly
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PathStep 11 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupTeen Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceAugust 5, 2025
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I just feel very hopeless with my life now

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Finding listener
Group Support / by StanOnly
Last post
 August 5th, 2025
...See more Hi, i am a teen and I'm currently finding a listener or someone who could understand me! Currently, I'm too anxious to text anyone due to my anxiety. So ill be glad to have someone who's willing to message me !!
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Molested, sexual assault, sexual coping mechanism
Trauma Support / by StanOnly
Last post
 August 5th, 2025
...See more (Trigger warning) ! Tw contains : CACS, predators/PDF file + grooming, sexual harassment (verbal), sexual coping mechanism, molested, hyper sexuality. This is based on true story, and I felt so disgusting for it. Please read at your own risk! CACS: It all happens when I turn 4-5, it was a peaceful day. Until suddenly my sister came up to me. She had said "Hey, wanna see people kissing?" I never really understood the meaning of kissing back then, I shook my head. Since I'm using our mother's phone. I clicked on a random video and I remember it being family guy. My sister got annoyed and she threatened me. "I will tell mom you watched that video." I was worried that I'm watching the wrong thing so I just nodded. Now she's taking full control on me she puts on a video people kissing. It hasn't started yet though. I asked her "What is kissing?" She told me "it's when one mouth goes to another person." I tried to understand. But it's fine. Then she told me "I'm going to the bathroom, tell me if theyre kissing." I agreed. When she went to the toilet. It didn't even start. So I tried to jokingly scream "theyre kissing!" Our mother heard that, and the worst thing is I'm the one getting the blamed for. She had hit me harder than my sister. Saying its my fault. Though I tried reasoning its not my fault. CACS + (molested) : This happened with my niece who's one year older than me. They are a girl, one time we were at her uncle room. With her other niece inside who was busy on her phone. It was going great until she started to indulge me in sx activities. She was doing it on me. She had told me that she's just doing the action back on me from her friend idea who had watched inappropriate video. I cant help feel uncomfortable. And when she told me to take the leads on the top. I can't do anything. I was nervous, anxious and scared I'll get it wrong. And from that, it was a traumatic experience. Sexual harassment (verbal) w my classmate: I have two make friends call them by their last letter N and H, N i was introduced by my friend and H too. It was great. We all get along pretty well. but H had been completely weird. I had one time says something inappropriate to myself. And he heard that. And he always uses it against me. Whenever we are around he will say the sentence. And calling me names. Until one day he called for me and says. "Yo, do you have 0NLyfans? (Of)" which was completely shocking to me. Since were just teenagers. And N too, Ive told him about my struggle w sh. I wasn't expecting much, but he took it too far. He started ranting I should f my family members and pets and all. Buy cucumber, eggplants and carrot. Asking me if I like it small or big. Which was completely uncomfortable. And he wanted to take honeypacks with me?? I'm gonna share all of this only. Molested: I was still a toddler. I loved wearing short pants, it's not suffocating but men's always ruin it for me. I was touched in my rear. Not one time but three times, at first he must have accidentally touched me. But the second part he touched a little deep. That's when I got the creep. I thought maybe staying with my family gonna be alright? But no. He went up and directly squeeze my rear, it was shocking. And he had the audacity to look at me while wearing a mask. It was traumatic. Then I insisted on staying in the car. Then I saw it. He was with a family. He had a family. And I was on verge of crying. ---- This time is when I'm at the city, I was wearing shorts pants. Because I loved it. Then I saw this foreign man. Who was performing I'm pretty sure he had no money and was begging. I walked past him, he glanced and smirked and me while licking his lips. I found it weird. Then I passed again but I didn't look at him. But I can feel the tall figure behind him. She intentionally stepped on my slippers. Stopping me and brushed his hand on my rear. I was shocked. But he had gotten away.. ---- Okay, uhm. Warning! This is my father.. When I was a toddler he will always hit me. But he never does it nowadays. But I still remember, one time. He barged into the bathroom while I was showering. He hit me with the belts. And touched my chest (like squeezing) trying to rearrange me. I could never forget that. Idk what to call this: And this with my uncle, idk. But one time, one of my uncle had walked on me showering. And from that on, he started acting differently. I still remember her threw his boxers at me..? Wearing towels whenever I'm near, cold and distant. It's confusing. And then another uncle. Idk why, (I loved sneaking into people phone) I was checking. Without his permission and I go into his hidden folder.. There i saw video of people Mhm. While there was a video of next to it?? I was CREEPED OUT. And I saw a message of him texting eleven years old... Grooming: This is my experience, so I like you guys to know.. Please! Do not do online dating! Especially if you guys never met before. I have met this guy online named C. He was the best thing happened in my whole life, constantly talking with me, gets upset when I'm not replying. Always comforting me and all. And we eventually does face reveal and get together. I thought. This will be the first start of our journey together but no. It went downhill when he started saying if I'm okay with nasty filthy message, me. A naive person said yes. Then we started exchanging sexual message w each other. He makes me feel good. But then, he started giving subtle signs. Like can you send your chest and all. Then he makes me feel special. He wanted to see more of me. I thought. If I didn't give him, will he be disappointed? Will he leaves? Then, I make my deepest regret mistake in my whole entire life. I gave in, because i was scared. Attached to him. I sended, it felt good after a while. But I can stop the aching feeling I just ruined myself. And after that, it was awkwardly quiet. He rarely responded and act like he used too. He still says I love you. But not often. Then one day, i saw him matching invicible pfp w someone. And I know those two characters are in love. I asked him about it. Expressing my jealousy and all. He said she was just a friend and she have a boyfriend. I didn't believe him, and he decided to break our relationship off. Also notes : he had made a loyalty test on me. Making new account and trying to test my loyalty which I never question or get mad but when I did? He gets mad. So we became good friend for a while, he found a perfect girl. Whos older than him. And I was happy, he keep bragging about it. But I don't feel anything since I no longer interested. Also, he cheated on her with me !! I didn't cheat. He was, he send me sexual message and all. I told him this is wrong, because he's in a relationship and he sent me a video of her in underwear which was supposed to be only with them. Now I know what hes like. Also he sended me a naked picture of his crazy obsessed ex while were dating. It was shocking. When I told him to stop he gets sad and we didn't chatted often after that. After he and her broke up, we become good friends, he wanted to try to share live location. So I agreed, it was going good.. Until one day I turned it off for my safety and brochaco started unfollowing me on all platforms?? Crazy. ------- Also I found a guy named T, and I was down bad for him. Though I don't understand why, we're good friends. He always says he loves and wants me but never really meant it. I told him let's date, but he always pushes me down. And says he's not ready, then suddenly one day I woke up and got a message from him. Saying. "I want to tell you something" "I never really liked you" "i was just doing this blah blah.." Which completely broke me, Ive wasted my attention my compliment for him? I blocked him in *** and he started begging for me. Sends my countless message and all. I gave him another chance. Also he sends me picture of his aftermath session liquid. We do ***. And he will put a picture of it. Then we fight and blah blah. So I set up another account. I texted him and just pretend to be his dream girl 'blonde, old, tall' and lives in UK. Bro was completely down bad. He gives in. Put on good looks and pics of his body. Also I played her out as cold and dismissive. And when he found out the girl i was playing is single. I told him "lets get together!" And he said yes. Shocked. Then he messaged me "I'm sorry to tell you, but I've found someone else and i loved them. but I still loved you." Blah blah. Then he sended me another message changing his mind. Because she was too cold. Huh, at least he took some time to think. But i already shamed him in a group with my friend. Bro left in shame and he didn't beg for me back like he used too. (Oh yeah forgot to mentioned he also pursued me into sending ina pics, and he showed me his morning wood on a call) ----- Uh there's also many pdf that I talked with that told me they will give me 200 if I sended. But I never did, and they always come crawling back on how I treated them. ---- Now, will all the traumatic past. I feel really messed up. I wanted to get grape (not romanticizing) I wanna feel like getting dominated, controlled. I am clouded by thoughts i wish never existed. Ive been doing acts at night that keep me realising on how miserable I am. And I'm very hypersexual. It won't stop. I wont stop. --- Now, I'm aromantic. I don't show believe in love and no one can otherwise changed me. I hope to seek professional help. Because this trauma will forever haunts me.
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Thrilled, anxiety, pent up and stress relief
Self-Harm Recovery / by StanOnly
Last post
 August 5th, 2025
...See more I never took self-harm seriously, I thought it was some kind of edgy trend happening in my school. People call it the tattoo of a club member. And I wasn't really interested. Until one day, my friend had gave me a blade. It was nothing that dangerous just a sticker cutter. I slit it on my arm and I see it and I feel it. The blood had make me obsessed and the aftermath? It was thrilling, I don't know why. But I'm completely into it. Ive tried using different kinds of blade but nothing worked since it was dull. Now, on High school it was a new experience.. I'm dealing with depression lately. My life is worsening every second. Then came my new friend, she was also sh. And that brought me back to my old past self, we found a sharpener blade and I used it. It felt the same. It's so good. Ive been keeping it until I found another one in my house. A pencil knife. It was addicting to say the least. But bad problems is I was on X. The way people make it deep had completely absorbed me. And I always multiswipe, ruining myself. Then I decided to buy a razor blade. Which was my deep mistake. I tried it at school. I cut deep my skin. Then at my home, I accidentally got beans. Then another one. Maybe deep. And I feel ***, i will sh whenever I'm feeling anxiety and I scratch my self I didn't realise I'm picking on my skin. Ive used this method as stress relief and pent up. Now, it's matter of time until I've reached something. The school counselor does nothing. And I hate it. I wish I can do a recovery right now but it's all tempting.
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Tw: overeating and starving
Eating Disorder Support / by StanOnly
Last post
 August 6th, 2025
...See more Over these past few days and months, Ive been feeling sudden change in me. The constant nagging for a perfect small body always caught up to me but also the addiction of feeling warm and comfort food in me is also luring. Ive been like this since ages, one time I'm skinny then fat. Every time I eat, I always either spit it out and all. I thought maybe, taking laundry detergent and *** it all in would help me to throw up the food that was once I've drooled over but now scrunched in disgust. Im a shame to this society, I can't even count my weight without tears prickled down on my cheeks. When I'm over 40? I will starve myself. Until I'm just bone and skin.
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