Thrilled, anxiety, pent up and stress relief

I never took self-harm seriously, I thought it was some kind of edgy trend happening in my school. People call it the tattoo of a club member. And I wasn't really interested. Until one day, my friend had gave me a blade. It was nothing that dangerous just a sticker cutter. I slit it on my arm and I see it and I feel it. The blood had make me obsessed and the aftermath? It was thrilling, I don't know why. But I'm completely into it. Ive tried using different kinds of blade but nothing worked since it was dull. Now, on High school it was a new experience.. I'm dealing with depression lately. My life is worsening every second. Then came my new friend, she was also sh. And that brought me back to my old past self, we found a sharpener blade and I used it. It felt the same. It's so good. Ive been keeping it until I found another one in my house. A pencil knife. It was addicting to say the least. But bad problems is I was on X. The way people make it deep had completely absorbed me. And I always multiswipe, ruining myself. Then I decided to buy a razor blade. Which was my deep mistake. I tried it at school. I cut deep my skin. Then at my home, I accidentally got beans. Then another one. Maybe deep. And I feel ***, i will sh whenever I'm feeling anxiety and I scratch my self I didn't realise I'm picking on my skin. Ive used this method as stress relief and pent up. Now, it's matter of time until I've reached something. The school counselor does nothing. And I hate it. I wish I can do a recovery right now but it's all tempting.