Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today
StarryNites86
1 4,360 M Seeking Light 5
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts110 Forum posts19 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 16, 2019
Bio
Recent forum posts
StarryNites86 profile picture
What now?
Relationship Stress / by StarryNites86
Last post
 November 10th, 2025
...See more Not really sure where to go from here. Back ground info. I, 39 F, have been married to my, 48M, spouse for 11 years and we've been together for a little over 12 years. We known each since I was around 19. We have my 16 F daughter from a previous relationship and our 9M son together. Lately our marriage is horrible. We don't communicate, we treat each other terribly. We are locked in the cycle of poor behaviors. We are both acting poorly. My behavior and his have been terrible. It came to a head last night and we had a big blow up and he ended up threatening to leave. He didn't but we slept in separate rooms. And barely spoke this morning. I asked about going to couple's therapy and he said no. So, now what? Do we just stay locked in this cycle of *** until we go nuts? Jump straight to divorce? I'm lost. 
StarryNites86 profile picture
Need advice trigger warning
Relationship Stress / by StarryNites86
Last post
 July 25th, 2025
...See more Long so please bear with me. So a little context. I (39 F) and a child (16F) and my ex fiance (38m). I am married now for 11 years to my DH (48m) and we have a son together. My ex and I have a visitation agreement for our daughter. I have sole legal custody because he was not in her life consistently the first 3 years. He has visitation once a month and 1 month every summer and we rotate holidays and birthdays since we live in different states. Its usual not bad but the last visit has brought up some serious issues. She usually splits her summer month into 2 visits. 2 weeks in the beginning of summer and 2 weeks at the end. About a week into the 2nd visit bio dad called and asked if her could keep her an extra day to take her to a concert. She has band camp starting that day so I said no as it's a requirement for all students in marching band. He got mad but I thought he was just disappointed he couldn't take her to a concert. Fast forward to the meet up. I have to drive 2.5 hours to the place where we meet to exchange custody. That's half way between our houses. He agreed to meet between 4:30-5. About 4:45, as I'm pulling up to the place where we meet, I get a text FROM MY DAUGHTER saying they were running an hour late. I called my husband to let him know what was going on and he wanfs me to ground my daughter for being disrespectful and it caused us to have a huge arugment for nearly the entire hour i was waiting. Come to find out, my ex and daughter went to the concert anyway, stayed to get a picture with the drummer because it's one of my daughter's favorites and knew that staying would cause them to be at least an hour late. They ended up showing up about 5:56pm. After they went to the bathroom and grabbed food, it was 6:30. I never did get any kind of communication from my ex. No sorry, no explanation nothing. Now, my husband and I are in a weird place, I'm not on speaking terms with my ex and I feel very disrespected by everyone really and I'm at a loss for what to do next. Thanks to anyone who made it this far and I appreciate any perspective or insight anyone can offer. Or advice. I'm lost.  
StarryNites86 profile picture
How do I make friends in the small town I live in?
Relationship Stress / by StarryNites86
Last post
 March 9th, 2022
...See more I moved to a VERY SMALL TOWN about 3 years ago and I've been struggling to make friends here. I realize that most of the people have lived here their whole lives and their families are friends and they've all been friends for 20+ years so I know that its hard to accept new people into the group. I mostly feel unwelcome, I try to socialize at events for the kids and it seems like mostly people don't want to socialize with us. Even my kids are excluded from things. My kids rarely get invited to parties, only 1-2 kids ever come to parties we throw. It's to the point where my kids don't want birthday parties or anything like that because they know no one will come. I don't really know what else to do. Its really lonely for me and I can tell that my kids feel it too. Any advice is appreciated.
StarryNites86 profile picture
Time to talk about it- SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNINGS!! Child abuse.
Journals & Diaries / by StarryNites86
Last post
 March 8th, 2022
...See more I've held on to this for a long long time and I'm really tired of it. I KNOW I WAS ABUSED!! There is this underlying secret in my family of sexual abuse. Its like everyone knows about it but no one talks about it. Several members of my family over several generations have been abused and no one wants to talk. Well about a year ago, my mom and my aunt started to open up about their experiences and its triggered some issues with me. My mom and my aunt were molested when they were girls but no one stopped it then. There was a male uncle, a male cousin and probably others that I KNOW abused people in out family. I think I have a dissociative event in my life. I don't really remember my childhood BEFORE 7 years old. It's like flashes of things and people and places then BAM I'm seven years old living in Miami with my mom, dad and brother. And I can remember almost everything since then. I was a hyper sexual child, looking back at it- how did NO ONE DO ANYTHING!! I was masturbating at 7-8 years old. I was caught by my mom more than once. I know someone knew something. I know there was a reason we moved thousands of miles away from out family. Other female cousins of mine are starting to come forward with accounts of their abuse and trauma in the last few months and it's really triggering some stuff with me. I have vehemently denied any abuse in my life to my family. Mostly, because I don't want to be a victim. I don't want to have this on my soul. I don't want to deal with this. But there is something there. And I think the longer I refuse to acknowledge it, the more problems I'm going to have. I have flashes of abuse, especially when I'm trying to fall asleep. I can't remember his name or who he was to me. I can remember his voice, I can remember the room he took me to. The furniture was old and dark brown. The whole room matched. I can remember the quilt on the bed. It was one of those old white embroidered blankets that had the fringe around the edges. It always smelled like dryer sheets. He called it "playing house" and I was the mommy and he was the daddy. I can remember not being afraid, he didn't hurt me. He made me feel like it was normal. I can't remember specifically what he did to me. I know he touched me in places he shouldn't, I know he laid on top of me at some point but not sure if he did anything. I know he had brown hair and was thin. I've never seen him again in my life. I see the flashes like I'm watching a movie of myself. I don't see it through my own eyes. It's like I'm watching it happen to myself. Its all real hazy. Sometimes, I think this is just something that my mind made up. Sometimes I think these are just bad dreams. Something that's not real. But how can I remember the things I do if it didn't happen. I wonder if I should go to some kind of regression therapy to try to get the memories back or if I should just leave them where they are. If my mind chose to block them, maybe I'm not strong enough to carry them. I've managed to lead a good life and be a good person so maybe I'll just leave the memories where they are. Just acknowledging these memories is helping.
Search more from @StarryNites86
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
25 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Chief Chat Honest Voice Confident Voice Strong Start Milestone Journeying Strong Reconnect First Post Debuted Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Meet & Greet Teammate Forum Friend Strong Bond I Hang 10
Report an issue
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today