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SunElixir
657 M Embraced 5
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts32 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2020 Member sinceJuly 23, 2020
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uncertain
Journals & Diaries / by SunElixir
Last post
 September 11th, 2020
...See more For the past 2 years I've had this overwhelming sense of uncertainty about myself and my life. I have no idea where I want to go in life, what I need to do to move forward in ife, what to start with to improve myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, whether or not I should continue seeking God, whether or not I'm seeking God properly, my purpose in life, who I am, who do I wish to become...I'm so lost and confused, I don't know what I need to push me in the direction I need to go. I'm beginning to believe that this is exactly how my life should be. I don't deserve to be happy and content. I don't deserve to feel grounded and secure. I feel defeated. What's the point of trying if this is how it should be?
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Stressed
Journals & Diaries / by SunElixir
Last post
 August 3rd, 2020
...See more I just can't relax. I get so upset about things that are out of my control. I know 1 solution is to take a break from social media ( including YouTube) and I did this morning. I decided to download a point & click game to relax since they're are my favorite types of games. I played one yesterday and it kept me engaged and happy. This one however, made my blood pressure rise not even halfway through the game. It's a horror game and I had to rescue my friends from an evil old lady. There was one character that I had to save and he was tied up. He was super strong and could break the rope but I had to make him angry so he'd do it. There were options to say offensive things to him to make him angry and one option was to say something racist to him ( this particular character was black ). Another option was to tell him how big his nose is....I just wanted to relax and enjoy myself. I can't look at stuff like this because it upsets me and makes me over think and stress out! I wasn't even on social media, just playing a game I thought I could enjoy. I wish I could've just deleted it and moved on but the way my mental health is wired right now I can't.
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Uhg
Journals & Diaries / by SunElixir
Last post
 August 3rd, 2020
...See more I don't know where to put this. Today was horrible. I stressed myself out more than I ever did before. My hands were shaking and I was in the verge of tears. I couldn't lay in bed because I was washing my sheet and blanket and since we don't have a dryer I waited hours until they dried. I spent about an hour making something but ended up accidentally ruining it. I saw a sexist comment that made me really upset and made my stress even worse. No one saved any chicken for me during lunch, and an hour ago my tooth chipped off. I feel so freaking horrible. I want to sleep and never wake up. I'm currently crying about my tooth. I had 4 cavities. 1 tooth was removed and the other 3 have fillings. I have been making sure to not eat any candy or drink soda! I feel so disgusting! I'm so upset and angry and tired!
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