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WanderingShiner
1 859 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 78 Compassion hearts67 Forum posts15 Forum upvotes18 Current upvotes18 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceApril 6, 2025
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Meeting a new friend
Pen Pals / by WanderingShiner
Last post
 August 3rd, 2025
...See more Hey there folks. I am new to this subcomunity and hoping to make a pen pal. I am 42, male and married with two adult sons. I live in Costa Rica but am Canadian. Feeling stressed and down but with positive hopes and goals. If you have a few minutes to reach out I'm down for a chat. Thanks folks and have an awesome day.
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What weighs more
Self-Harm Recovery / by WanderingShiner
Last post
 July 20th, 2025
...See more I have been struggling with trying to figure out what weighs more. The desire to, or the guilt of doing it. I can't stop thinking about it. Ever. And it weighs alot. But when I do the guilt for what it causes my family to go through, that does also. That question is what I am trying to find the answer to. I hope one day I can shed myself of the weight of them both. It is a heavy load to bear. And I carry it alone even when I have people wanting to share the load with me. I can't give it up. When I do try to share it, I just gain more weight in guilt. Then I stumble. When I do stumble and hurt myself I go big. I never keep it light. That scares me. It scares my family. It scares my pets. It scares my neighbors. I genuinely don't want them to feel that way. So I want to more for hurting them. It just spirals. And every turn around the spiral it weighs more. Until I cant think about anything else. I will beat it though. One day. And I will be able to ask the question... What weighs more, the feeling of giving love it the feeling of receiving it? Like the feeling of tge comforting weight of a favorite blanke
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When things go good
Depression Support / by WanderingShiner
Last post
 July 12th, 2025
...See more Isn't it funny when things go good, and hurt so much? Like funny strange not funny ha ha. I have been having an issue with that and wanted to try to get some thoughts or ideas on how to change my mindset regarding this. When things go really good I always slip into a big depression. It can be a real challenge to try to cope with. Like it is undeserving or not right with the universe for something good to happen. I know this is illogical, and trying to communicate it to people is an incredibly difficult thing. How can you explain something that has no specific single trigger or base cause? How can you quantify something with no real value but has all the value attainable? I have been trying to see positive things for what they are and how they can benefit those around me, but that is where it stops. I can't see why they would benefit me. I want to be happy. Like for real. On the inside. Not just on the outside.  What do you do to cope with good things? What allows you to see the god for you? Thanks folks. 
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I'm stuck?
Depression Support / by WanderingShiner
Last post
 May 3rd, 2025
...See more Hey there folks Gonna try to be have and open up. Because I'm feeling rough. I'm 42, married to a wonderful woman, har two awesome sons who couldn't better human beings, and some really awesome pets. I live in Costa Rica which is a dream. But I can't be happy with myself. Recently I got accidentally given drugs. A dude gave me the last smoke in his pack and in the bottom of the pack it was there. I'm not going to go into details but I used it. I was over 13 years clean. I knew where it was going. But I lied to myself and said I could handle it. Fast forward a few months and I lost my job, got scammed finding a new one, almost lost my family, lost over 50 pounds. I was only 160 to start. Everyone is trying to help me and be supportive but it hurts when they do I actually get scared to touch my wife. Sometimes I shake and cry when I hold her hand. I can't stop it. We are about to lose our home and have to I've up our pets and life here. Because of what I did. It isn't easy to face it and carry that guilt. I accept the responsibility of my actions. And my family is somehow cool enough to try to work with me through this. I can't understand why though. I need to figure out how to love myself, be worthy of love, and fix all of the things I broke. I wish I knew how.
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