I'm stuck?
Hey there folks
Gonna try to be have and open up. Because I'm feeling rough.
I'm 42, married to a wonderful woman, har two awesome sons who couldn't better human beings, and some really awesome pets.
I live in Costa Rica which is a dream.
But I can't be happy with myself.
Recently I got accidentally given drugs. A dude gave me the last smoke in his pack and in the bottom of the pack it was there.
I'm not going to go into details but I used it.
I was over 13 years clean.
I knew where it was going. But I lied to myself and said I could handle it.
Fast forward a few months and I lost my job, got scammed finding a new one, almost lost my family, lost over 50 pounds. I was only 160 to start.
Everyone is trying to help me and be supportive but it hurts when they do
I actually get scared to touch my wife.
Sometimes I shake and cry when I hold her hand.
I can't stop it.
We are about to lose our home and have to I've up our pets and life here. Because of what I did.
It isn't easy to face it and carry that guilt. I accept the responsibility of my actions. And my family is somehow cool enough to try to work with me through this.
I can't understand why though.
I need to figure out how to love myself, be worthy of love, and fix all of the things I broke.
I wish I knew how.
Hey, Im sorry you been throught this. I really am. This IS very messed Up and sad..but hey, you here, trying to reach for help. Which mean that you at least are trying, i dobout i can fix your problems with a few words but i Hope i can give some confort. Not everything IS losed. You still have your wife and kids, and if they still put Up with ya. It mean you had been a good man. Be proud of It. You arnt Broken. You just have issues. And Im sure those issues have names. Which mean, there IS a solution. Try to reach for a profesional. Maybe they Will help. And Dont be sad or embarrased by need help from your loved ones. They are there for that. Whats important its be honest with them. If they are there they Will support you. Im sure. And they Will help. It may feel hard now..but It Will be worthy in a future, when you be able to get yourself together again. I can only offer this confort words. It may not be much. But i try to apport my little pice of help. It may sound childish for ya. As i didnt had so much experience of Life, Im still 17, but i Hope It helped. Hope you luck and the best, man.
