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Whiplash861
120 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2019 Member sinceNovember 15, 2018
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Dream-borne combat
Trauma Support / by Whiplash861
Last post
 November 20th, 2018
...See more Last night was the first panic attack in more than a week. I woke up from a nightmare. The dream was I was defending my friend who was previously shot in the throat, but he was surviving and holding his own. All friendly assets were gone, either dead or missing. It was just me and my friend who was slowly and painfully bleeding out. I was defending an area full of dead and dying allies from an onslaught of militiamen. But every single militiaman was the child I shot many moons ago. Child after child after child I kept shooting and shooting and shooting, waiting and hoping for dustoff to get here. But I was inevitably overrun by hundreds of the same child. They didnt hurt me, but they carried my dying friend away, who was screaming and crying for me to save him. But I was powerless, and unable to move. My girlfriend woke me up because I was shaking and hyperventilating in my sleep. I woke up with a loud cry, I didnt know what was real and what wasn't. It was 3 in the morning, and I sat up crying and apologizing to my dead friend for hours. My hands are still shaking, I couldn't make it in to work today. My girlfriend is a stay at home girl, and she took her whole day to take care of me. But I'm terrified of falling asleep and being alone. It's a horrible feeling, and I'm trying to forget as I try washing the blood off my hands. It's a wonderful life.
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I lost my best friend
Trauma Support / by Whiplash861
Last post
 November 17th, 2018
...See more I was overseas in Iraq last year. We were tasked with heading outside the wire for routine patrol. My best friend was in my squad with me. Later on, we made contact with the local militia who carried a lot of guns. Bullets zipped past me as I dove for cover. Instantly, everyone starts shooting. The militia had us outnumbered 3 to 1, but not necessarily outgunned. There ensued a mutual exchange of F bombs and ammunition. Until I saw a little kid run across the battlefield in my line of sight. He wasn't carrying anything, so I tried keeping an eye on him as I continued engaging. Turns out that little kid, couldn't have been older than 10, takes a rifle and starts shooting at my friend. I see the young ones exchange of gunfire towards my buddy, and as I snap my rifle towards the kid, I see my buddy flop backwards, screaming. So I shot and killed the kid, and moved to secure my friend, who was shot in the throat. Blood and gurgles tried escaping his mouth as I covered his wound, calling for a medic. My buddy was crying, eyes full of tears, as mine did the same. I looked him dead in the eyes, pleading he doesn't close his eyes. He didnt have to. His final words were crying for his mom, as he silently cried himself to death. Literally. My cold, bloody hands were the last things he felt as he died in front of me. I live with that thought every day now, with last night being the worst as I sat up crying at 3AM in my girlfriends arms because of the nightmares I have.
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