Dream-borne combat
Last night was the first panic attack in more than a week. I woke up from a nightmare.
The dream was I was defending my friend who was previously shot in the throat, but he was surviving and holding his own. All friendly assets were gone, either dead or missing. It was just me and my friend who was slowly and painfully bleeding out. I was defending an area full of dead and dying allies from an onslaught of militiamen. But every single militiaman was the child I shot many moons ago.
Child after child after child I kept shooting and shooting and shooting, waiting and hoping for dustoff to get here. But I was inevitably overrun by hundreds of the same child. They didnt hurt me, but they carried my dying friend away, who was screaming and crying for me to save him. But I was powerless, and unable to move.
My girlfriend woke me up because I was shaking and hyperventilating in my sleep. I woke up with a loud cry, I didnt know what was real and what wasn't. It was 3 in the morning, and I sat up crying and apologizing to my dead friend for hours.
My hands are still shaking, I couldn't make it in to work today. My girlfriend is a stay at home girl, and she took her whole day to take care of me. But I'm terrified of falling asleep and being alone. It's a horrible feeling, and I'm trying to forget as I try washing the blood off my hands.
It's a wonderful life.
@Whiplash861
Hi whiplash,
This invasive memory is so complete in your dreams, it obviously means a lot to you. You narrate your experiences and tell us what's happening, but how does it make you feel? Watching your friend die must involve some of the most powerful emotions known to humans, and perhaps part of the reason it's sitting so clearly in your mind, memories, and dreams is the need to process the emotion parts of the memory. Let yourself feel and notice where you feel those sensations in your body. Remember to keep breathing, slow and deep. Processing emotions can be really hard and really intense, but it can also be very beneficial. Make sure before you start that you are safe, and make sure to go slowly, only taking a drop at a time, if that's all you can handle. You can get through this, we believe in you <3
Sometimes grounding strategies help with flashbacks and nightmares. I particularly like textile sensations. I feel my surroundings. Weirdly textured blankets, wood surfaces, anything I can touch that keeps me HERE in THIS ROOM. You can also describe the room you're in, what you can hear, what you can smell. Bring yourself back to right here and right now and remember that you are safe, that is not currently happening, you are safe.
