I am recovering from a long term meth addiction with schizophrenia and severe depression as secondary induced disorders. I've struggled with my mental health my entire life and have had many suicide attempts and hospitalizations. But I also had years of wellness where I attended college as a philosophy major and graduated with high honors. I've seen a lot of death in my family and I lack much of a support system these days. I tend to isolate and dwell on my problems. Recently I feel stuck in a spot where I have been trying to better my life but I don't know if I can get things together much more than this. I have been trying to forgive my family for leaving me alone and trying to rebuild the relationships with some of them after I was too busy using to be there like I should have. I've made a lot of mistakes and I messed my life up pretty good. But I'm almost out of all legal trouble and I'm trying to distance myself from toxic people, users, and people who don't care about anyone but themselves. I fear that I will end up more so alone than not or that I will circle back and end up with the same people that I need to get away from. I feel trapped in a situation with a man who is abusive in phycological, emotional, and financial ways. Being on disability makes it hard for me to support myself and people know that and some of them take advantage of me. I don't have anyone else to help stand up for me and I try to stand up for myself but normally end up just leaving those people alone to take advantage of someone else. I'd rather try once and lose and friend than to be manipulative and act like they do. I've been homeless on and off several times and I've survived sexual abuse as a teenager from an older man who was my bf at the time (I was 13, he was 18). I have taken myself out of bed situations before and I'm trying to be strong enough to do so again. However, this time I feel more lost and hopeless than I ever have before. My addiction changed me and my mindset and I struggle to get and stay clean even though I've been in treatment for almost 3 years now. I am also in mental health treatment and I am trying to utilize my resources in order to get back on track but addiction has been the hardest thing I've ever tried to overcome. However, I used to bang and have been off the point for over a year now which has been a major step in my recovery. I'm not giving up until I make it, even if I end up in jail for a little while or if I lose everything I have left, I will keep trying.