Meth, schizophrenia, and the devil
I swear I'm being stalked by the devil and he's kidnapped my child. I'm a long term meth user (started with diet pills and Adderall then crank and now ice). I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia and have been struggling with treatment for co occuring disorders for about 3 years now. But even when I'm sober I feel like the devil is all around me. Plus when I'm sober I feel so depressed that I don't want to do anything in my life. I struggle to feed myself and care for my basic needs. I don't have many people in my life that could help me and actually care about me. My hallucinations and delusions keep me from doing anything more in my life than trying to make it stop.
@Yosheena
A rationale that I found helpful is to consider that strength is a good thing, and there is nothing good about evil, therefore, evil has no strength. Instead, evil seeks to wreak havoc through deception, and when possible, can manipulate us into turning our own strength against ourselves.
Another way of putting it is, if we don't lend our strength to evil, it has no more significance than perhaps a dog barking in the distance.
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with such mental health challenges, but I hope it becomes easier for you to manage them. I hope it helps to realize that strength exists within you, and that's a really good thing.
I try to ignore my symptoms and tell myself that it's not real but it's still frightening. And there are things that happened and I don't know what was real and what was in my head. I try to stay strong and it helps when I have a safe place to write things down. If I can see my thoughts on paper or screen then I see how unbelievable they are.
Hey Yosheena,
I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. It seems overwhelming and it sounds like it would be scary to experience that. You deserve a hug and I believe you are very strong for enduring all of this❤️
I'm wondering if you have any health care support? It seems like you are going through a lot right now and having a support system has helped me through a lot
I hope you find peace 🕊️
I have a treatment team for co occuring disorders (mental health and substance abuse). They say I'm one of the more symptomatic clients that they have. Cuz I hear the voices and have the delusions even when I'm sober. I am also on disability for my mental health. Some days are harder than others. But it helps me to talk about the crazy stuff and for other people to reassure me that it's not real.
@Yosheena
Dude I hope you're better now. The best advice if you don't want to go to the hospital is to hunker down and stop using. Use a sedative or antipsychotic.
How long are your benders?
How many days do you go with out sleep and food?
What Route of administration are you using?
These are the important questions.
I definitely won't judge. I've been prescribed amphetamines and methamphetamine really just lasts so much longer and all that time without sleep and overuse of meth to counteract the comedown is terrible. Orally it's not that big of a Boogeyman if you can not abuse it. Just the therapeutic index sucks but hey! Meth is still approved for ADD and obesity. You're really overusing and have a psychotic illness so you should use more caution.
I really hope you're better. If you have antipsychotics or can get to the hospital for a few doses of Benzodiazepines then those will usually help you calm down. I've talked people through and gave medical aid to massive overdoses of that stuff and it really can get nasty. Watch your heart rate and blood pressure and try to totally stop your usage if you suffer from a psychotic illness or at least have a way to safely get yourself to bed in an emergency. If none of that you will end up in the hospital more often than not and that's not fun. Get into recovery if you need to. It's NOT shameful.
Not a doctor!. Just amphetamine psychosis is terrifying and no joke.
Just hoping to hear back that your with us on this planet bud!
So I don't normally stay up for more than a day or two. And I have a treatment team and am on antipsychotics and antidepressants. I always eat every day and I used to be on the needle but I've been off it for almost 4 years now. So I just do lines or boof it. Sometimes I smoke it. I've been in and out of the hospital and normally they don't keep me unless I am a danger to myself or someone else. I've been in treatment for 3 years now but I have been struggling with relapsing.
@Yosheena
This is a wonderful place to connect with listeners and get on group chats. I’m pretty sure you will find a virtual group of friends here. Take advantage of this as much as you can.
I’m Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. Just remember you have survived a lot worse and that makes you a survivor and you can do it.
More power to you! And I hope your treatment goes well. Take care and stay connected!
