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Zdzislaw18
179 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2022 Member sinceMay 21, 2021
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I'm so frustrated with myself
Anxiety Support / by Zdzislaw18
Last post
 June 21st, 2021
...See more I went out with my mother after a long time. Since i fell into depression our relationship took a turn for the worse. I also have really bad social anxiety and as shes socially anxious too (but denies it) she usually makes it worse for me when we go out (not on her to blame) i left the city for awhile to get some fresh air. I realized i was doing much better there. I could talk to people without hating myself for it or running it in my head at 2 in the morning. So after awhile i came back. Today when i went out with her it was like nothing had changed. I was so anxious. So nervous and my thoughts wouldn't settle. I was so scared of falling back into old patterns so i was over compensating, trying more to seem comfortable and confident but i feel like everyone could see right through it and judged me for it. I also for the first time let my self harm scars show so i think that attracted more attention which made it worse. I honestly wanna cry so much right now. Why can't i get over this? Its so simple! Its just existing and talking but i can't get it right.
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Hello
Depression Support / by Zdzislaw18
Last post
 May 21st, 2021
...See more I returned home after a week today. During my trip when my sister and her husband were fighting i realized for the first time that i get jumpy. I suppose I've gotten used to my own parents making a fuss because it predictable now. I came back home, looking forward to enjoying the comfort of my room. I wanted to appreciate it for atleast a short while before things took off like they do but the moment i sat in the car with my brother the wheel in my head started to turn. It was getting suffocating. I met my mother at dinner later and a 5 min conversation had me wanting to start bawling. Brought my food upstairs, threw some stuff around, cried and cussed alot till i went numb. Now I'm restless. Angry, sad and restless. I'll go to therapy next week but i know i won't be able to tell let alone explain any of this. This is so unfair. Edited by Asher, 5/25/21
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