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abookaddict
3 305 M Embraced 2
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts29 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupTeen Last activeMarch, 2025 Member sinceAugust 26, 2024
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Feel Sick
Self-Harm Recovery / by abookaddict
Last post
 March 23rd, 2025
...See more I've been self harming for almost 3 years now. Started on my birthday, actually. And it sounds depressing, but I don't know if I can even call it that because that feels so self-centered. I feel selfish for even making this post for people to see, because who am I to deserve anyone to read my words and comprehend the turmoil of feelings inside me? I'm scared. I'm scared because when I first started, I didn't want to continue. I did it out of necessity, when I didn't want to hurt others so I would hurt myself instead because better me than them... right? I don't care about myself, and I don't want anyone else to, or at least I think no one else should. But now? I don't want to stop. It's like I have this gaping hole inside of me that only my pain will cover, like a trapdoor no one will walk on. I wonder if I can keep going like this till the end of my days, drown my protests and worries in my own suffering just so no one else will have to walk alongside me. Live like I'm normal and not hurting just so no one else will worry, because who am I to be worried about? And I feel so selfish posting this, which I've already said. But I just feel sick to my stomach right now. Like I can't breathe but I'm okay with it. I don't know. I really don't.
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I kind of hate myself
Self-Esteem / by abookaddict
Last post
 August 30th, 2024
...See more For the past few months, I’ve been volunteering at my local library. It’s been my solace for such a long time, but for the past couple of weeks, my mental health has been on such a decline that I haven’t been going to my volunteering sessions. I’m on probation, which means I’m still learning how to volunteer, and today i got an email from the volunteer coordinator saying I will not be volunteering at the library anymore since I can’t find time for it due to my other ‘commitments’. I just read the email and I’ve been crying for about 30 minutes and just hate myself, because one of the only things that made me feel at peace is now gone, and it’s all my fault. All I keep thinking is ‘why am I like this’ and… I don’t know. I just feel like I don’t deserve anything because I end up ruining it.
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