Feel Sick
I've been self harming for almost 3 years now. Started on my birthday, actually. And it sounds depressing, but I don't know if I can even call it that because that feels so self-centered.
I feel selfish for even making this post for people to see, because who am I to deserve anyone to read my words and comprehend the turmoil of feelings inside me?
I'm scared. I'm scared because when I first started, I didn't want to continue. I did it out of necessity, when I didn't want to hurt others so I would hurt myself instead because better me than them... right? I don't care about myself, and I don't want anyone else to, or at least I think no one else should.
But now? I don't want to stop. It's like I have this gaping hole inside of me that only my pain will cover, like a trapdoor no one will walk on. I wonder if I can keep going like this till the end of my days, drown my protests and worries in my own suffering just so no one else will have to walk alongside me. Live like I'm normal and not hurting just so no one else will worry, because who am I to be worried about?
And I feel so selfish posting this, which I've already said. But I just feel sick to my stomach right now. Like I can't breathe but I'm okay with it.
I don't know. I really don't.
I promise thar you aren't selfish for posting this, and I really understand not wanting to stop, that's kind of where I am now.
Recovery is very difficult but I promise it's worth it <3
@abookaddict it's nothing self centered and you are not selfish . After all we all are here with some problems, no one is perfect here . All of us here have some kind of problem . No one is selfish and you are not too . All you need is to share your feelings or your problems with someone so that you can somehow feel lighter . Something is surely disturbing you . I am not a professional therapist or listener bur infant iam going through the ame problem as yours . But I'm sure listening to each other will surely make us feel better. Atleast a little bit .
If you feel like taking to someone, I'm here to help 😉( but you need to help me too ;)