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affableRaspberries7395
352 M Embraced 3
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 22, 2022
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coming to terms... accepting... and forgiving?
Trauma Support / by affableRaspberries7395
Last post
 October 24th, 2022
...See more ok so my biological mom has BPD. she has hurt me in more ways than i could count. it would take days for me to list even half of what shes done. ive been through counciling, courts, and finally about two and a half yrs ago... she finally signed the papers and was no longer a part of my life. i am technically adopted by my biological dad and step mom. anyways... recently ive been getting in a lot of trouble and my parents default go to is... im like my bio-mom. im not the type of person to hate someone... but that women i hate w everything i have. i refuse to believe that i am anything like her however... recently and when i was little... deep down ik i might be. i mean when i was younger my voice sounded just like hers. if i do my hair a certain way on a certain day, i feel like i look like her. my parents say i am starting to act like her and i dont want it to be true at all. bc of her.. i hardly trust anyone, im scared ppl are going to leave, and i lie over dumb stupid shit to my parents. everyone struggles with their own demons, ik this. but its so hard to accept that i have demons related to her when ive only ever hated her. i tell my parents all the time i wish she were never a part of my life, and then they come back with "oh but then you wouldnt be here" and at this point... ok. id be ok with that. only bc i am tired of hurting people, pushing them away, and having the constant fear of being my bio-mom. my "adoptive/step" mom tells me i need to forgive her and acknowledge i have characteristics of my bio-mom and learn to get over it... but its hard. ridiculously hard. ive had this huge thing against going to counseling bc i had to for so long and my brothers made fun of me for it and i felt like... almost a baby by going. not saying counseling is for babies. plz anyone reading this dont think thats what im saying. im saying that i feel like i should be so much stronger mentaly than i am and i dont want to place a burden on anyone else. my parents tell me that i do have childhood trauma/ptsd because of my bio-mom and that i do certain things bc of that trauma... but they still just constantly throw it in my face. idk i guess this was just a rant... a step in the counseling direction without my parents knowing... im not sure. i am sure tho, that i dont want to be anything like my bio-mom and i just need a little positive help and criticism... instead of getting undermined and yelled at by my parents.
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afraid of losing him
Relationship Stress / by affableRaspberries7395
Last post
 October 22nd, 2022
...See more so i got grounded from like literally everything and ive been using google docs on my computer to talk to my boyfriend. its been really hard to talk to him and bc we go to different schools i dont get to see him. im scared that hes gonna move on and drop me bc its getting difficult. i want to do all i can to make sure hes happy, and honestly, rn it seems that he might be happier without worring abt all this even tho he says hell wait no matter what. idk im just lost and idk what to do
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