coming to terms... accepting... and forgiving?
ok so my biological mom has BPD. she has hurt me in more ways than i could count. it would take days for me to list even half of what shes done. ive been through counciling, courts, and finally about two and a half yrs ago... she finally signed the papers and was no longer a part of my life. i am technically adopted by my biological dad and step mom. anyways... recently ive been getting in a lot of trouble and my parents default go to is... im like my bio-mom. im not the type of person to hate someone... but that women i hate w everything i have. i refuse to believe that i am anything like her however... recently and when i was little... deep down ik i might be. i mean when i was younger my voice sounded just like hers. if i do my hair a certain way on a certain day, i feel like i look like her. my parents say i am starting to act like her and i dont want it to be true at all. bc of her.. i hardly trust anyone, im scared ppl are going to leave, and i lie over dumb stupid shit to my parents. everyone struggles with their own demons, ik this. but its so hard to accept that i have demons related to her when ive only ever hated her. i tell my parents all the time i wish she were never a part of my life, and then they come back with "oh but then you wouldnt be here" and at this point... ok. id be ok with that. only bc i am tired of hurting people, pushing them away, and having the constant fear of being my bio-mom. my "adoptive/step" mom tells me i need to forgive her and acknowledge i have characteristics of my bio-mom and learn to get over it... but its hard. ridiculously hard. ive had this huge thing against going to counseling bc i had to for so long and my brothers made fun of me for it and i felt like... almost a baby by going. not saying counseling is for babies. plz anyone reading this dont think thats what im saying. im saying that i feel like i should be so much stronger mentaly than i am and i dont want to place a burden on anyone else. my parents tell me that i do have childhood trauma/ptsd because of my bio-mom and that i do certain things bc of that trauma... but they still just constantly throw it in my face. idk i guess this was just a rant... a step in the counseling direction without my parents knowing... im not sure. i am sure tho, that i dont want to be anything like my bio-mom and i just need a little positive help and criticism... instead of getting undermined and yelled at by my parents.
@affableRaspberries7395 Hi. Well from one soul to another, I hated one of my parents. Abused and traumatized by this parent, and I did not like any quality I saw in myself that reminded me of them. It’s not fair of your dad and step mom to say you’re acting like your bio mom. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of stuff, and they may be trying to help, but they are rubbing salt into a wound. It sounds like they were also trying to acknowledge the trauma you went through. I would give you a hug if I could and just say, hey it’s going to be ok.
Our past is important, it has ripple effects into our present. Sometimes strong effects. But with time, some of that fades. And we can find ways to relate to it that make it even less powerful. Dr. Richard Carlson wrote a book titled, “You can be happy no matter what.” He says our past is like the wake left by a boat. The waves behind the boat are real, but they don’t drive the boat. Your past is the water behind the boat. Keep driving your boat forward, don’t give undue power to the waves behind the boat. Stay in the present.
— All the best
@helpfulAvocado7912
i really really appreciate this sm. thank you. im sorry u had to go through what u had to go through and i hope everything has looked up for you! im def gonna look into that book so thank you.
all the best to u too!
