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aharts
148 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2020 Member sinceOctober 28, 2015
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Mad at myself
Anxiety Support / by aharts
Last post
 November 11th, 2020
...See more I hate my anxiety and how much it limits me. I wrote this on here before but I had to take a big step down in my career as a lead full-time teacher because I couldn't handle the stress. It triggered my anxiety so bad that I was very close to being hospitalized. This was only after a month of being in the job. I'm subbing now which I can handle but I feel like such a loser for not being able to handle this job. I almost feel like I'm not enough. I'm very introverted and I think I'm better off just being in a support role, like being a teaching assistant. It just makes me hate myself because I couldn't do it. I hate who I am. I really hate me. I've been through enough losing my mom to suicide. Now I have to deal with being a failure for not being able to be a lead teacher. Life is not fair. I'm such a burden.
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Feel like a failure...had to resign from a job.
Anxiety Support / by aharts
Last post
 November 10th, 2020
...See more Hello. I recently had to resign from my first full-time teaching position after only a month. I deal with bad social anxiety and PTSD. The PTSD comes from the trauma of losing my mom to suicide 5 years ago. This full-time lead teaching position required a lot of energy and responsibilities. The stress of the job triggered my PTSD and it made me very sick very quickly. I started not being able to eat or sleep. I would wake up in a state of panic and throw up every morning. Then I'm pushed through the day and come home in a panic bc I had planning to do. The job consumed me and I was very close to having to go to the hospital. It wasn't and easy decision but I realized that being a lead teacher isn't something I can handle right now and I had to resign. I feel like a failure. Like I did something horrible. Like I let the anxiety win. But then I'm conflicted bc deep down I know I needed to walk away. Anxiety and PTSD sucks and makes me hate myself. Just wanted to vent.
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