Feel like a failure...had to resign from a job.
Hello. I recently had to resign from my first full-time teaching position after only a month. I deal with bad social anxiety and PTSD. The PTSD comes from the trauma of losing my mom to suicide 5 years ago. This full-time lead teaching position required a lot of energy and responsibilities. The stress of the job triggered my PTSD and it made me very sick very quickly. I started not being able to eat or sleep. I would wake up in a state of panic and throw up every morning. Then I'm pushed through the day and come home in a panic bc I had planning to do. The job consumed me and I was very close to having to go to the hospital. It wasn't and easy decision but I realized that being a lead teacher isn't something I can handle right now and I had to resign. I feel like a failure. Like I did something horrible. Like I let the anxiety win. But then I'm conflicted bc deep down I know I needed to walk away. Anxiety and PTSD sucks and makes me hate myself. Just wanted to vent.
@aharts hey, it's totally okay. You need the break. My body does the same when dealing with an overwhelming amount of stress. I had one breakup where I was hospitalized for a week as my body was unable to keep up with the emotional extremes. It is ok to take a break. You know yourself better. It's good you listened what your body was saying. It only means you're wanting to get better, and when you do, you can always get back to work. I hope this helps! Good day! x
@esthiennettecrown thank you <3 it does help. I'm hoping with time I can be more kind to myself.
My heart aches for you.
not right now doesn't not ever. Take this time to heal, and take healing as seriously as a job. You can tackle teaching again when you have a better tool set, a better support environment, and better expectations laid out by your peers. I hope what your heart loves and what sets you free comes to you.
@FayeChevalier thank you. Right now I'm subbing. It's something I can handle because at the end of the day I can walk away from it and not worry about it. Right now it allows me the time to need to worry about my menta health. I don't want to say never but I just don't think with my anxiety, ptsd and my introverted personality I'm meant to be a lead teacher with all the pressures and responsibilities on me. I'm thinking that I would like to be in more of a support role. Perhaps being a teaching assistant or working with kids 1:1 or in small groups. But right now I'm starting therapy for my PTSD and working on myself.
@aharts
i understand. I got fired a couple weeks ago and it's been hard to get out of bed ever since. And I moved in with my mom who's an alcoholic. Very overwhelmed. What helps with anxiety for you? I feel like jogging and yoga help. What caused the anxiety? The workload? Getting up in front of people? Not getting along with sjbeine there? My mom causes anxiety for me. Feel free u to o respond any time!
@affectionatePine9046 it was the workload and just having to be "on" all day. It's hard to say this without sounding lazy but the amount of work was just too much for me. I wasn't able to go home and decompress. I had to plan for the next day. The never ending stress just triggered something in me and I had a breakdown. I just think the nature of the job works well with my personality and anxiety. I don't know.