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alexa256
274 M Embraced 2
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts40 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2024 Member sinceNovember 18, 2021
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Fear of never having a consensual experience
Trauma Support / by alexa256
Last post
 January 31st, 2023
...See more Tw: mentions of sa Idk if anyone else feels this but i just feel so lonely and disturbed over this. I was touched inappropriately/groped when i was 8, and other inappropriate stuff that a child or anyone for that matter shouldnt go through. I had all memories of these incidents suppressed and they came back to me when i was 16. After i knew about them, i started getting panic attacks, periods of high anxiety, intense suicidal thoughts and next to no self esteem. I'm 19 now and in college, i travel by train to reach there. I've had 3 incidents of harassment within these 2.5 months in those trains. During peak hours they're crowded af and i just hate it. I've had a guy try to hold my hand multiple times, a guy rub his leg on mine continuously for 40 minutes and a guy press his genital on my butt. And I'm just so triggered and panicky that i freeze and just try to make myself be as far away from them as i can but since the trains are crowded, theres not much space to move away. This is taking a huge toll on me. I dont even see myself as a person. I've started seeing myself as an object to be used for vile stuff. And this is not a kink, this is so not a kink. I just can't imagine myself having a partner or participating in any sort of activity that would be consensual just because it never had been and that scares me a lot.
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Day 84
Self-Harm Recovery / by alexa256
Last post
 March 9th, 2023
...See more Gonna be 3 months soon, feeling proud and hopeless at the same time because i know how hard this was and I'm scared I'll relapse soon but hopefully not 🤞
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