amiablePerson5008 Member Profile

I'm the only minority in a conservative town, with an even more conservative workplace.

Work & Career / by amiablePerson5008

August 5th, 2024

...See more I'm Mexican, and I been working for a couple years now in 2-3 office jobs now and I have a bachelor degree. And I have NEVER, NEVER, been asked if I am from Mexico (aka if I'm here illegally), where every single paperwork on my resume states that I am a citizen. That my elementary, middle school, high school, college and university has been in United States! But the manager wanted to clarify, he said "I understand you were born in Mexico". No! Read my resume it says United States citizen! Then everyone in that job is white! No blacks, no browns, not anyone from different religion other than Christians. Nope. Absolutely no diversity whatsoever! I have never been asked if my accent would be an issue! I worked in reception for 3 years! Never an issue. But I lived in a bigger more diverse city, but I moved to this conservative place because of my boyfriend to save money until we both can go back to live in a bigger city. I can't stand my job. Everyone is closed minded, the costumers are racist. And is not like I feel comfortable to address it to my manager if I felt uncomfortable by his interview too! But I took the job because I needed a job to pay the bills! Can't stand being the only minority. I said happy independence day to my coworkers before walking out and they said happy 4th of July. Then said will you watch the movie independence day. asked where I can go see it. And she gave me a look of "what" so I said will it be on Netflix or Amazon. And she said yeah I'm sure Netflix with will Smith. Then another coworker was like "she will ask who is will Smith" and both laughed. Then when I express things of my culture or language (or my boyfriend since he is Pakistani/Muslim). Then is the ignorance that I get from them. And I let it pass because I can tell they live in their own small small worlds that they think some comments are okay to say when in reality is kinda offensive. (Like acting if me or my family are the exception to the rest). They act sometimes when I speak or when I ask questions like I'm an idiot, by their tone or look. Yet THIS JOB IS SO DISORGANIZED THAT THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAD ORIENTATION FOR NEW HIRES OR EVEN A BOOK WITH THE RULES OR PROCEDURES OF THE COMPANY. So I'm learning as I go and it really bothers me that I get this treatment and I feel I cant speak up about it. Literally another manager said this in front of me, "this country is getting worse. And I don't want to leave to a third world country like Mexico. In tourist areas is beautiful but I do my want to be in the bad areas. Like I don't want them (Mexicans/Latinos) coming over here and being a threat to my safety." Is a small company so they have no HR.... Is suffocating. I'm just counting the days till I finally leave this job and place.

Work stresses me out

Work & Career / by amiablePerson5008

July 27th, 2023

...See more I work at a nonprofit. I knew from the beginning I wanted to withdraw from here. When I applied it said receptionist but when they gave me the offer letter it was change to program associate. What I do is more like telemarketing job, and I hate repeating myself. All the days seem the same. Repeating the same dialogue for 8 hours straight, everyday, no matter where I am in office or outreach. They want me to report to them what I do or other obligations I have after work hours in case they need me. They want us to work overtime hours without overtime pay (they tell us to leave early to "even out" the extra hour or two). Which, when I was asked in the interview "are you okay with overtime hours" one assumes it comes with overtime pay. Also, they don't like that I eat alone at times (I am an introvert. And the times I tried to eat with them, I was ignored and talked over, and when I was on my earbuds they talked to me like if I was supposed to pay attention to them all the time even if they never paid any attention to me when I try to speak). They also don't like I don't respond to all the messages with an emoji or something. Work there has become more and more of a prison for me. I am desperately trying to find a way out. Also, they recorded when I was venting to my boyfriend about work and I got in trouble for it. Also, you know how in some work places you have a "work bestie" where you can speak to about work stress or things like that? Nope. Not here. They all blindly follow the directors without question or buts (even if is having to pay using your own money for a new certificate and having to maintain it by taking 4 test every year WITHOUT a raise. And the test is not cheap. They said we will have to pay $100 for the test (fail or pass) and hotel accommodations). Even when I slip up or have a human burnout moment, now I know that the coworkers were calling me out for it to the boss. Even when I ask if they did they said they didn't. But now ik that they did. Also, I am burn out. They have me so stretch out and they expect me to be a robot and call 24-50 people, outreach twice a week, and in between translate and call for events and help with events preparations. Is too much. I never felt so underpaid before. Now ik is work, and one should just stick it through. But this job culture doesn't fit for me. If I had tour the place like the other coworker did before they got hired, I knew I wouldn't accept it. I just can't stand being in a small, windowless, office, where is too quiet and all you hear is everyone repeating the same dialogue over and over and over again. Days after days, weeks after weeks, months after months. I just can't. And we only have a 30 minute lunch, one day they wanted to eat lunch at a restaurant and we were out for lunch for over an hour. If I had known that eating with them would mean reducing hours and being paid for 7:30 hours that day I would have skipped lunch with them again. And they monitor you, I get not being in your phones but damn. I just I feel like I am going insane with the same repeative task and not have something else to think about or make the day look different. The routine is killing me. Nothin like the indeed job description. Nothing.

Stay broken up or try again?

Relationship Stress / by amiablePerson5008

July 17th, 2021

...See more My ex and I are each other first relationship, we meet in freshman year of college and we were friends for almost a year and then started dating, we dated for 3 years. He(23) is half white/Christian and half Pakistani Muslim and I'm (23) catholic Mexican. I broke up with him last summer, I realized so much that I became numb... Depressed. My ex did lied to me the first year we were together to get me jealous (altho he lied for a week, he didn't cheat just acted like he gave this other girl more attention. When I was ready to break up then he then swore to be honest and win my trust. It took him a year to win it and I saw him change. He was no longer insecured or as insecured as before. When he confess to me he purposely wanted me jealous it was because he thought jealousy meant you love someone, and I am not a jealous girl. He confessed in his own when I told him Its now up to me to get over it, he didn't wanted me to continue feeding with this lie so he told me the truth. He was afraid I would leave him for sure... I don't excuses his behavior but I did see him change from that mistake. He became less insecured and more confident in himself. The reason he thought jealousy was good it was because his parents always fight about it and normalized jealousy saying "we fight but jealousy is good for a marriage".) Anyways, the other thing was realizing his dad is a narcissistist, then my parents started having issues then wnated divorce. My mom confess to me something about my dad that made me look at him differently and myself differently. Turns out my dad is also a narcissist. I broke up because I felt numb and depressed to always being the one that had to endure to keep others happy (mostly my dad and my ex dad). My ex during this tried to support me through my numb days but I could tell it was hurting him too. Idk what else to do, so I broke up with him. A year later, my ex and I are in good terms we talk every so often, (altho not a lot maybe months in between). I was there when he got a milestone of getting his own place and he wants to be there in mine when I graduate. We both still have feelings for each other. I started therapy and I'm in the process of not being a people pleaser and trusting my own decisions, my own feelings, my own opinions (because I grew up getting used to that I couldn't trust my mind because of my dad). He is also doing things for himself and no longer to please his dad... We are growing and learning to do things for our own mental health than for our narcissistic fathers. Thing is, I still love him. I have a feeling that we just meant to be, all this time he wanted me to be back with him and I kept telling him no. He respected me always despite it hurting him that I wasn't ready for a relationship (then), he respected that I needed time to heal and wanted therapy to heal. He has always been suppotive and my rock, even now that we been broken up. I am not sure about anything in my life rn, the only thing I am sure about it's my feelings for him and that I do want to try again with him. He grew and I did too, we now see through our dad's narcissistist bs and we are trying to be better people for our own good. My sister and mom doesn't think it's a good idea, not because my ex is a bad person and they don't like him, they do. But because they think I should still date around and not just be with my ex. They fear I will only have him and he will be my forever and I just limited myself with just knowing him. Thing is, I have guys who do come up to me and I don't feel a connection... With my ex I felt this vibe and connection even before I officially meet him and started talking to him, he felt safe, he felt like home. Talking to him for the very first time it felt like I knew him for ages... Crazy thing was that he felt the exact same way about me when he first lay eyes on me. It's that connection and that vibe that makes me thing that we are meant to be. I love the core of who he is, I love how I feel when I'm around him, I love that despite his jealousy and insecurities he was never controlling, he did made a mistake but he regrets it and grew from it and doesn't make an excuse for his actions, I love how we help each other be better. I helped him find direction in life when he was lost and he helped me be my conscious and my emotional rock when I feel like I'm drowning or about to give up. He is the one that tells me to have a healthy boundaries with my dad and not just cut him off like I want to. Because he wants me to still have a dad and that family but in a healthy boundaries way before I immediately jump into cutting him off... He balances me out just as much as I balance him out, being with him it's so easy to be ourselves and understand each other without much issue. But idk what to do, I know I love him and I want to try things again. But my family thinks it's a bad idea, so do I listen to them or myself? Idk

First breakup, I'm feeling sad and struggling.

Relationship Stress / by amiablePerson5008

August 11th, 2020

...See more Hi! I'm Latina 22F and is been a month and a week since I broke up with my ex 22M (who is half Pakistani/Muslim half Christian/American). We dated for 3 years, we are each other first relationship. We got along well, everything between us was going good, we are open minded people and we just understood each other and supported each other in ways we never felt supported before. I felt drawn to him for the first moment I saw him and felt at peace like I known him for a long time. And he felt the same way that he must have seen me before and felt understood for the first moment we talked. I did the breakup, I'm naturally shy and I don't like confrontation also I grew up sheltered. And for the entirety of my relationship his dad wanted me out of the picture so he can add another girl into the mix. The dad would "advice" my ex to cheat on me, lie, test waters with other girls by saying "she works too much, her parents are strict don't you want someone who is always around? You can go on emotional dates with other girls, test waters as long as you are not having sex with them, don't let her now" and would make comments to belittle my culture, when we would eat at a Latin resturant and my ex brought back food home his dad would say "do you actually like this or you pretend that you do?" The dad is also very controlling and (I suspect) a narcissist that or the dad is extremely arrogant. Whenever we had discussion the dad would butt in to our relationship or his dad

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