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amicableBike2449
719 M Little Steps
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts46 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2019 Member sinceNovember 24, 2018
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The "Perfect Me" dellusion
Healthy Living / by amicableBike2449
Last post
 May 7th, 2020
...See more i felt useless at some point in my life a huge failure so i dicided to change that and made a plan full of courses and diets and healthy routines ... i made a great search about what suits me better ... time management skills, organization tips and so on ... and after i finished this "golden plan" i could not to anything but staring at this to-do list full of tasks ... i thought because it was plenty that i couldn't do anything so i started to erase unnecessary tasks and nothing happened ... after a long period of guilt and feeling useless i discovered that my motives are the problem ... i've always thought that this plan would make me a better person but it turned that i made this plan to meet social expectations and be socially acceptebale ... and that i hated myself so i wanted to change it and this is the wheole problem ... loving and accepting yourself is the key ...
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who am I ...
Newbie Hub / by amicableBike2449
Last post
 July 5th, 2019
...See more helle 7 cups community, i'm new here i had depression for like two years by now and i've never gone to a therapist ... i've read a lot of psychology books and articles which helped me to adress my real problems ... i used to be isolated and anti-social, i never felt close to anyone because of past painful experiences (essencially sexual harassement and bullying). i've grown playing the victim role seeing others as evil and because of that i never had a real relationship with others except my mother. so i felt like i owe the world something and convinced my self that all the suffering is the price of the perfect life i'm going to live in the future. so i became more distant and spend most of my time imagining how that life will be until i drowned in that imagination and became emotionally numb waiting for that life cause i felt that nothing is worthy to experience because the best is yet to come. i always felt that this life is waiting for me when i get to college. and when this happened i realized that nothing is going to happen. i realized that i've grown empty with no personality and no identity cause i got busy to imagine that life instead of working to get it. i have an identity crisis i don't know who i am what do i want. i realized that i hated myself all this time and covered that hate with empty and imaginary promises. my bigesst problem is that i don't know how to rediscover and know myself, and how can i get to those old memories that made me hate myself so i can get over them and learn to love myself again. and especially how to overcome my emotional numbness cause now i'm not able to experience anything at all ! Please help !
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